1000 Things We Hate #26: Darth Vader Emo Hair

2 03 2010

Did you forget something, miss?

Two things to get off of my chest before I begin this:

1. I have just witnessed and been incredibly grossed out by a guy next to me drinking Mountain Dew out of an unwashed Tostito’s Bean Dip container while he works on an essay in the library.

2. I actually like a lot of the emo/punk hair styles that people wear as long as they don’t get too ridiculous and don’t look like the person ran their sneezy hand through the front of their hair 8,000 times yesterday.  Also, I prefer the shorter emo hair styles on both men and women.

The Blonde Darth Vader

There’s a semi-new hair style out there.  I would like to call this the “Darth Vader” hair-dye-job.  Granted, many of these people wearing this hair style are probably not fans of Star Wars… Nevertheless, they mimic Anakin’s dark side with their hair.

How do they do this?  Well, I believe that the emo movement started off by being an offshoot of the goth movement an offshoot itself of punk… or something like that.  Anyway, people originally dyed their hair to darker colors, but now the opposite is trendy/ironic.

If you have long hair, pull back the majority of it from the front as if to make a ponytail.  Now, all of that that you hold in your hand, dye blonde.  The stuff you didn’t grab will remain your natural hair color.  This creates a helmet like effect thus creating two different hair styles in one.

Most of the time, people will just be very confused when looking at you from afar.  When they get closer they will continue to be confused.

Why?

I don't know what to focus on. The longer hair cut is a variation on the Darth Vader one. Frankly, this would be a pretty good hair cut focusing on just the blonde.

When I get a haircut, I try to do it so I don’t look like a fool.  Sure, there’s the occasional mishap (my ear is bleeding, ma’am) where you will look like a fool for a couple days/weeks.  However, this new movement focuses on purposely making yourself look like a dumbass.

“uhhh, I’ve ran out of hair dye.”
“It looks fine, we don’t have to get anymore.”

I suppose the point is: why go through all of the effort of dying your hair only to do half the job?  There’s this mystery that I quite don’t understand (maybe that’s the point?) when I, like many other people should, enjoy 100% finished products but they seemingly don’t.

This hair style just emphasizes that you’re lazy and can’t get your work done.

The style visually minimizes the amount of hair you have making you look flat and 2-dimensional, but maybe that’s a decent reason: to look more like another shitty piece of moody deviantART.  Hair’s usually considered more enjoyable with the word “volume.”  Well, all of that is lost when you roughen up the roots and look like a crooked jigsaw puzzle with only two pieces that just don’t fit right together.

He takes the concept of the emo helmet hair to the next level

Now, this phenomena is not just limited to women.  Jared Leto is a precursor to all things wrong in the world (except for human eyes).  Really, this guy is a complete douche.  I would gladly spit on him and then reenact every great scene of “Requiem of a Dream” that hurts him but this time for real.

He goes one step further with actually just having helmet-like hair.  Sure, this hairstyle was fairly common for rock musicians of the 70s and early 80s, but we’re passed that.  Plus, it’s just 1000 x more pretentious when you’re wearing eyeliner and have a 5 o’clock shadow.

Okay, because there's not a striking difference in the hair color, this may be acceptable.

There may be some saving grace in this hair style.  Sure, it seems useless, but I feel like it does raise up some interesting points about optical illusions.  So, in the above picture, the subject does not have that much of a difference between her front and back hair color.  Really, if it wasn’t for the bit of hair coming over her left shoulder, I wouldn’t have been able to tell.  Nevertheless, the point about hair volume and looking flat still stands.

Sure, I wasn’t spitting fire in this Hate, but I believe it’s a phenomena that’s hard to grasp, and I’m still feeling queer over watching that guy down his bean soda.


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2 responses

4 03 2010
girlinlike

The third girl… is reminiscent of David Bowie circa Labyrinth… =]

8 08 2010
elana

I totally see the Bowie look too!

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