After my post yesterday about Oscar banter, I realized that I needed to continue the talk on Nic Cage.
HE’S EVERYWHERE. And everyone has written so much funnier things than I have. So, quit reading and seek those out.
In the meantime, enjoy some funny gifs of him at his best:
Blast that Beat
Eat Those Babies
Rock Our World
P.S. I really liked him in Adaptation.
Last night I worked the Oscars…
Let that sink in.
Okay, now I’m going to ruin it.
I didn’t actually work at the Oscars. I worked at The Grand Cinema’s Oscar party. I basically sold raffle tickets for the first half, and had the special job of ballot checker for the second half.
During my time frantically checking the ballots, I noticed one common theme throughout the Oscars: the presenters were TERRIBLE. I understand, they have the goal of introducing the award and they try to be humorous or humble. What they actually do is put the crazy fright into the people who have been nominated for the awards. ”WHY ARE YOU PUTTING THIS OFF! LET ME KNOW!” Here are some examples of Oscar presenters gone wrong (I really wish I could get the Robert Downey Jr. schtick from last night because it was an epic fail).
The gimmick that just didn’t do it:
This skit happened during the Avatar craze of 2009/2010. Ben Stiller tries his best to be funny, but relies too heavily on his ridiculous make up. It’s only funny because someone went to all of this trouble for something that just kind of fell flat. Incidentally, they made fun of it during this year’s Oscars when Emma Stone, while presenting with Ben Stiller called him out… mind you, this was crazy scripted… and Emma Stone basically sucks as an Actress (if anyone can remember my Twitter tirade on “Easy A,” then I applaud you). Which leads us to my next point.
The dual presenter playoff:
Okay, this one already suffers from the Nic Cage syndrome, but it represents two actors trying to make sense of the world and provide something halfway entertaining.* For most Awards except the big ones (Best Picture, Actor, Actress, Director), the Academy has been doubling up on presenters. Unfortunately, most of the presenters have not worked with their co-presenter before. So, everything falls flat based upon their practice of the presentation that lasted 10 minutes before they went onstage (over-dramatization, I know).
The standard joke:
Guess what! They make this joke at least every other year at the Oscars. It basically goes like this “these people are such great actors, they’re going to act happy for the person who wins despite losing the award themselves.” They did it this year with Meryl Streep (with her record 17 nominations and now 3 wins) saying that she had to act her way through those 14 times of not getting it. It’s a great joke, don’t get me wrong. But, I feel like it should be added to the Oscars drinking game = down a whole beer when someone says this.
Beautiful ladies!
Does anyone find it slightly, if not incredibly creepy when the male presenter is just like “Beautiful/Sexy women/ladies/hotties/actors.” The female presenter in the opposite role for the men usually doesn’t call them “handsome” or “hotties” or “male candy.” So, why do men get to do it?
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Oscars? ”Yes, Elliott?” Get some presenters that are respectable and other ones that ARE ACTUALLY FUNNY. Just because they’ve starred in comedic roles does not make them funny in front of large groups of people.**
*If you can find a better video of two presenters being awful with each other at the Oscars, please comment with it!
**Sorry, The Oscars on YouTube do not allow me to embed these videos, but you can still watch them by clicking the link in the middle of the video.
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Need some actors to hate? Check out our posts on Lindsay Lohan and Megan Fox!
For more pop culture references of things we hate, check out the MASTER LIST!
What if you found a small termite family living inside of your laptop computer? Trust me, it’s possible. Or a hornet’s nest. Or an armadillo den. It’s happened. I know… from experience.
All of those sorts of things would probably make you throw away your computer – go “I’m tired of this shit!” and toss it. Well, you probably should. There’s usually no turning back at that point.
But what’s a simpler thing that you can do in the meantime to prevent damage to your computer? CLEAN YOUR FUCKING MONITOR.
I don’t understand how people can stare at their computer monitor and look around the specks of dirt. Sure, the monitor’s back-lit and that takes away from you seeing some of the dirt. Nevertheless, I’ve been on some computers that you need special goggles to see through to the actual images on the screen.
It’s just disgusting. I mean, dirty computers in general are gross, but monitors show how nasty you truly are. There’s only so many times you can get away with sneezing onto your monitor (cover your nostrils with your sleeve!). Your computer, in this day and age, can be seen as an extension of yourself. Do you have good hygiene? Well, show it with your monitor.
Here’s a helpful video for those of us who do not know how to approach cleaning a monitor and/or your computer:
If you want to impress the ladies (or the guys) with your technological know-how, then keep your monitor clean (like clean from VD!).
If you want to make your mother proud, then keep your monitor clean.
If you want to stare into the deep hole or giant tower of the universe, then keep your monitor clean.
If you want a monitor lizard, then keep your other monitor clean (so you can order it off a pet website).
If you want to become a living teacup filled with jelly and natural disasters, then keep your monitor clean.
If you want to avoid me hating you, then keep your monitor clean.
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Sure, there’s a lot of things I could hate you for. So, check the MASTER LIST to help you avoid my – our – wrath.
I have a confession: I have an 11 hour Dance Party playlist on my iPod. It took me HOURS to make. Like, 4 or something. It was a lot of sitting around deciding whether or not a song was danceable. If yes, what type of dance? I tried to vary it up for some hardcore dancing songs and then some slower dancing songs and all the like.
Well, in the month of August of 2011 a great failed experiment happened: we had a legitimate party at my house. The theme was Mexican Fiesta and Selena and I made a giant Mariachi so people could pin Maracas onto him. This was also a week after my car accident so I was hopped up (more like slowed down) on Vicodin meaning I had to go through the night without alcohol.
The person who initiated the party was our newly minted 18 year old roommate (who has now left/sort of been kicked out/ran out of money). The patrons of the party were naturally her 18 year old/people not old enough (by law) to drink friends. Things got out of hand, items were broken and/or spilled. But you know what pissed me off most? Someone changed the music that was playing on my iPod that I had specifically crafted for the party.
Seriously, who the fuck comes in to someone else’s house and changes the music? Then, of course, this guy had to play some dubstep shit. I wanted to vomit not only from the pain in my back but also from the synths going WRRRRRRRRR-WRRRRRRRRR-WRRRRRRRROOOOOOOO-WRRRRRRRRRR. This little titbitch comes in and messes with the music. I was taken aback, but when I finally realized what had happened, I imagined him being impaled by a unicorn’s horn. (how tragic!).
I, of course, changed the music as soon as he left. But, through that hour we had to suffer through it, a billion people (being the people who actually lived at the house and not the drunken guests frequenting it) came up to me and asked me what had happened. A dirty ass motherfucker fucked with my goddamn music. That’s what.
So please, respect the person’s house your visiting during parties particularly when they spend a careful amount of time and effort protecting people’s eardrums from dubstep shit.
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A related post, you ask? Well how about our recent one on Musical ADD?
And, don’t be afraid to check out our massive index of hate posts at the MASTER LIST.
This just made me think of our post on Bird Poop from awhile back…
So, today was actually better than the last two days. I was feeling more chipper, and I had some good things happen. 1.) I got a 9.8/10 on a Japanese Religion paper that I thought was terrible (upon re-reading it’s not too bad… at the time I was just really confused) 2.) I finished writing my second paper due on Friday. MEANING, I can spend ALL OF TOMORROW studying for my Japanese Religion test on Friday.
Plus, tomorrow night I’m going to see my favorite band Breathe Owl Breathe play in Seattle. So, I’m pretty excited even if people keep dropping like flies for whether or not they want to go.
Nevertheless, this has been a really sucky week and a half. I’m pretty sure it’s because I went halfsees on a medication (as per doctor recommendation) which just happens to be my mood stabilizer. But, I’m still sort of skeptical on whether or not it could just be me freaking out placebo style.
Overall, I should stay positive, but I don’t see anything getting too much better soon.
…and I’m still waiting to hear back from Utah for grad school (Utah the state, not the University – BECAUSE I CAN TALK TO ARBITRARILY MARKED PIECES OF LAND)…
On first glance, Tron suits are REALLY FUCKING COOL. They basically take the idea of utilizing shadows to display emotion and inverse it by painting with light. You’re basically left with two colors: the light and the dark (and the shades created by the light). It’s a neat idea and great effect. UNTIL YOU REALIZE IT’S EVERYWHERE.
By everywhere, I mean in comic books.
Because, really, where else do you have the opportunity to dress characters up in new, fancy costumes at a moment’s whim? For instance, The Amazing Spider-Man crafted an entire story based upon Spider-Man needing a specially tailored suit to fight off a villain.
Cool at first glance, Spidey... And WTF is Black Cat doing!?
It’s the mere prevalence of the light costume(s) everywhere that’s such a nuisance. It’s become such a crutch in modern comics since Tron: Legacy came out. In fact, here’s that same Spidey storyline with a DIRECT REFERENCE to Tron (Disney owns Tron and Marvel – Surprise!):
Marvel’s Fear Itself event featured special characters getting special weapons and special costumes for a special single issue (or two, it was a brief moment either way). Once again, another attempt at appealing to the fanboy base and creating something “badass” with the possibility of selling toys.
Do you want a quick change-up to entice new fans? Well, create a glow-y costume that attracts the eye. It’s a clever ploy, but it’s being overused.
Now, I don’t want to paint Marvel as the only perpetrator of Tron Suitology – DC is just as at fault. For instance, take in their Teen Titans/Legion Lost crossover coming up very soon:
What’s that!? They’re battling in some sort of cyberspace!? BIG SURPRISE.
Comics + Need for a neat, thrilling, limited change + technology + creators running out of ideas = Tron Costumes
That’s one of the worst calculations I’ve seen in a long time.
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Comics seem a little redundant? Well, share in the missteps with our post about the Marvel Heroines Sash.
*BASH*BAM*BOOM*BANG* check out our MASTER LIST for all of your hateful needs.
Yelling is sometimes beneficial. I reserved myself today. Actually, I came home, laid half on and half off my bed and took a nap with Sabre sleeping on my tummy for about 15 minutes. It’s amazing how much a Cat can actually comfort you.
Then, my best friend called me and I felt better.
Then, I went to school and presented to the Student President and committee on why they should approve my budget to bring Greg Rucka to campus.
Then, I walked home and saw a bunch of gum on our fancy new commencement walk that I talk about here.
Then, I got really angry.
Now, I’m like “ughhhhh day…. END!”
Please day: suck more!
Actually, nothing particularly terrible has happened today. I just feel awful.
We ALL know one person who does it: changes the radio station multiple times in a single ten minute drive. They cannot choose a single song, mood, or station to stick to. On the first sign of trouble for the ears, they scramble to switch the radio station and find something that’s halfway better. This type of Musical ADD has become increasingly more common with the advent of hooking up your iPod to the car or just iPods in general. There’s so much music at your fingertips, you cannot settle on one station or song or band.
Skipping things is natural with music. Sometimes it just doesn’t fit the mood – so, move on – start over – begin anew. As much as some people wish to deny it: music is an integral part of our lives. Hence why we’ve become so picky about it.
BUT IT’S SO FRUSTRATING when you’re in a car with someone and they have to keep on switching between stations or songs to find something that will last a mere 3 minutes. Come prepared with a CD (even then, especially if it’s a mixed CD, they will more than likely skip through it) or a choir in the backseat. Driving takes up time and music helps that time go by faster.
Unfortunately, it’s even disgusting when a baby does it.
Baby vomiting on another baby which causes you to vomit on another baby disgusting .
What can we do when one of our friends starts switching between music?
ALL of these are viable options!
I have to admit that yes, I too, have switched between music. But, I believe that I did this during an exception to the rule.
What is this exception, then?
Well, when you’re showing someone a handful of songs but you don’t have time to show them the entire song so you skip through the slow parts and get to the good parts. This is a viable way of dealing with skipping through music. IT HAS A PURPOSE.
If you’re just jumping through songs or radio stations based upon a quick 5 second moment of listening to judge, then you really need to calm down. Choose something and stick with it. The nice thing about radio is that, even if you don’t like something, in 3-5 minutes the song will change to something you WILL probably like.
So, give music a chance, Don’t be stupid, and believe in the power of pineapples.
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DO YA GOT SKRATCHES ON YUR CDS!? THEN SHAR IN THIS HATE WIT’ US!
Or, you can just check out the massive collection of hates at our MASTER LIST.
MechanisticMoth
xanpluto
Crocodilicus