By the way, I graduated for my Undergrad today. ^I did this on stage^
Okay, not really. But, I suppose it’s an accomplishment even if I’m going to Graduate School in August. More school, yay!
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Want to see Fergie somewhat pop it more? Check out our post on the Black Eyed Peas HERE.
Nothing this startling or beautiful comes from out of my butt crack!!! WHY NOT!?
I intend for this post to be HIGHLY embarrassing! The problem is that I don’t get embarrassed easily. So, this will be SHAMELESS. I might cry a little afterwards, but that’s okay.
I have a problem people! Basically, I am covered in hair from the lower back down. Extremely hairy. You could probably make a meal out of my hair if you’re desperate. Or knit a sweater for some poor kid in Tibet… (HUMAN RIGHTS ABUSES CHINA! Get it!?). No matter what, I will startle you with my hairiness. Luckily, I’m fairly hair free on my upper body besides my beautiful happy trail, decent chest hair, armpits, and, of course, my face and head. I could actually use a little bit more hair on my face for my great bid to have a beard (not happening). I could transfuse the hair I have to my face. GREAT IDEA ME!
On a daily basis, I have to reach back to my butt crack and grace it with my index finger’s presence. This is in an attempt to discover whether or not I have a massive storage of butt crack lint going on. Butt crack lint isn’t much different than lint in your belly button. The hair just traps it, and it’s really quite astonishing how much of your clothes rub off on you every time. So, in theory, it shouldn’t be that big of a deal…
BUT IT’S MY BUTT CRACK PEOPLE! That’s a very delicate and sad part of my body. I really don’t want to draw extra attention to it when I bend over. People will be like “homiieee g, your butt crack be bangin with hairrr!” I’ll be like “uhhh… what?” because I can’t understand people who do not enunciate or have accents. Eventually, through hand gestures, we will communicate with each other that, indeed, I am hairy. In addition, I have a hairy blue linty thing riding through my ass crack. GREAT EVERYONE! Rice paper candy and Mountain Dew for you!
The worst part is when the lint attracts hair. I understand that some butt crack hair is going to intermingle with the lint, but that just doesn’t make it any better. Now, here’s the kicker: when ladies’ hair gets all up in there. Let’s turn towards the incident that spawned this event today: I was taking a bathroom break during work. I saddle up to the urinal. Pee. While peeing decide to check my butt crack for lint (this happens multiple times a day, guyz). Begin pulling it out (not my penis, that’s already out, silly). ONLY TO DISCOVER THAT ONE HAIR WILL NOT COME OUT FOR FOREVER. I just kept on pulling and pulling. I could feel the hair going through my butt cheeks like a snake slithering through the grass. It was uncomfortable. Eventually it came out. It was awful. It was a bad dream. It was like seeing your great grandmother’s corpse naked. I didn’t almost throw up. I didn’t throw up. I grimaced.
Butt crack lint, you are a blasphemous fellow!
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1000 Things We Hate has a MASTER LIST where you can check out previous posts and frolic knowing that there are things out there that piss us off just as much as it does for you!
Of course, after posting that last image advertising one of our classic hates, I discover this image.
I ACTUALLY LIKE IT. I would like it more if I knew for sure that this was actually a sand sculpture. But, considering that it has hair (or at least a wig!), I highly doubt it. If someone got this good doing sand sculptures, please let me know. I shall be impressed.
So, I’ve been fairly non-existent from the blog for the last month. That will soon change! …after I get through finals.
Here’s a (now) classic 1000 Things We Hate post on SCOOTING DESKS. It may not be as classy as the image above…
Feast your eyes upon this!
Can this be applied here?
Hey you guys!
I’m currently leading into finals. So, I am rather busy. Soon I’ll be graduating and I’ll have some free time to post before going back to Grad School. Still… gotta get through these last couple of weeks.
I’m working it like that lady from Xena.
And yes, that is mildly offensive. THANKS TELEVISION!
Eparibus ordered his pie by declaring:
I order a cream pie
It should be born out of two male zygotes, fusing
I want the pie to suffer delicious cognitive dissonance; mental discord a bit like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.. Its core – soft, melty yin-yang tarts floating in nirvana
Well, I did my best. This was a super difficult order to interpret. I am no grand chef/baker/thing. I mostly hooked around the melting yin-yang tarts. I put a few of them in the pie, but the angle I chose didn’t really allow for me to focus on them melting. So, I just threw in some extra ones here and there in the image. Granted, they’re kind of distracting, but I think they add to the feel.
The yellow splashes in the background are meant to be the two male zygotes fusing. Having them in the background is meant to suggest that they are birthing the pie.
In order to get the mental discord a la Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, I gave the pie a split through most of the middle. I wanted to show that the pie was conflicted. To further emphasize this I put 2 streaks down either side. The green is meant to be Mr. Hyde and the blue is meant to be Dr. Jekyll (inverted the regular order by accident). I figured green could be like the serum it takes to turn into Mr. Hyde while the blue is more calming.
Overall, I tried. Not sure if I did anything worthy of Eparibus’s request. What do you think?
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Why am I drawing pies!? I’m kind of asking myself that same question. Nevertheless, I am willing to draw a pie to someone’s specification based upon the outline in THIS POST. Think of something zany – I’ll draw it!
Want to see some examples of other pies I’ve drawn? Check out the AppleBabySpinachNazi pie and the Mud pie!
Hey Hey heyyy, you guys! The pie interactive thing that I’m doing is still going on. Go to THIS POST to enter into the funnessss. Basically, you make a suggestion of what type of pie you want me to draw (Come up with something ridiculous like Roast Indigo Beef Platypus Pie), and I WILL DRAW THAT FUCKIN’ PIE. All you have to do is comment on that post and I’ll do it. I just got a very creative request that I’m going to try to do tomorrow.
Here are the two that I’ve done so far:
Fellow 1000 Things We Hate writer xanpluto wrote:
I would like a slice of mud pie with real mud in it. I would also like the pie to wear a tight wearing dress
I tried to go pretty simple with this one. I wanted a really tight fitting red dress to feature off the mud pie’s sexy figure. To counter that, I just wanted mud all over the place. I added the text because I wanted to be mildly insulting (not like a severed baby head did it earlier…).
Why am I drawing pies!? Well, commentator El Michael decided I should reward readers with pies. I took that as actually DRAWING pies for people. How can you get in on this? Be one of the first 25 people to comment on the original pie post with the specifications of your pie.
MechanisticMoth
xanpluto
Crocodilicus