1000 Things We Hate #248: Slutty Pre-Teens

24 01 2013

There is an appropriate age for everything.  Especially being a slut (assuming anyone can actual be an appropriate slut).

Hmm…do you know what cock is?

As a 22 year old I yearn for the innocence and naivety I had as a child.  It was great when people didn’t laugh when you accidently said something sexually suggestive; when sex wasn’t the first thing on every male’s mind; and when a little girl could be a little girl.

Now little girls are hardly ever allowed to be little girls.  With shows like Toddlers and Tiaras, Cheer Perfection, and Dance  Moms girls wear revealings clothes, fake tans, and gobs of makeup.  It’s all about the sex appeal of  little girls.

Sure, you want to cheer so cheer.  Sure, you want to dance so dance.  But, does a ten year old really need to show off her frilly underwear?  Do eight year olds belong in leather?

Youth is something everyone yearns for after at least thirty.  So, why do we encourage little girls to pretend to be older than they are?  It seems so hypocritical.  If they want to be sluts after they’re 18, then that is their own choice.  Until then, leave them to chose their own mismatched, colorful clothing.   Let them enjoy their youth.

This fresh face is so much cuter.





1000 Things We Hate #246: Sun Allergies

25 07 2012

The sun.  It’s a giant ball of burning gas that just happens to make life possible.  We need it to survive and to keep an aesthetically pleasing sheen to our skin.  Yet, some are cursed by the sun.   The sun, in all it’s tempting comfort, actually causes  pain – and not pain from a sunburn.

I speak foremost about myself.  I haven’t got one of those diseases where I can’t be in the sun at all (that’s a whole different definition of suck-i-ness!), but I definitely can’t stay in the sun for very long.  According to a search on the internet I have what is called polymorphous light eruption.  First off, that is a sweet name.  Bonus points to whoever named it.  Second, it’s actually pretty common.  There’s a huge group of people who go into the sun with high expectations and exit with rashes.  Seriously, you sit in the sun to make your skin prettier, not gross.

These are rashes not sunburns: tiny, raised bumps all over the hands and chest.  And, like most rashes, they sun itch like crazy.  And itching only makes them worse.  I have enough self control to stop myself from itching most of the time but I’ve seen pictures of people who can’t.  Eventually, they make themselves bleed or the skin gets hard…gross, gross, gross!

I was complaining to my boss about my sun allergy and she said she also has an allergy: she sneezes.   Literally every time she walks into the sun she goes into sneezing fits.  Luckily, we live in the Pacific Northwest so we don’t have to worry about the sun all too often.  But still, I need my vitamin D like everyone else, but I have to go through a little more pain to get it.

In sum, screw you sun.  I appreciate that you gave me life and everything but I’m a super vain person, I want my nice skin back.

This pretty much sums up my feelings…





1000 Things We Hate #222: Man Ass

11 02 2012

Let me begin with a story of a sweet, studious girl trying to do her homework in the library.  She’s trying so hard to write her three essays (!) due within the next two days, but something keeps distracting her.  Hmmm…what could it be?  What could distract such a stressed person?  The answer: man ass.

Not good man ass!  Rather, the hairy ass crack.

No one wants to see this.  It is not sexy.  It is disgusting.

Don’t men feel a breeze?  Isn’t it uncomfortable?  Can’t they simply pull up their pants or underwear?

Usually, on men, boxers or briefs come up past their pants.  This is acceptable. I’d rather look at their underwear than their hairy ass.  But wait!  Like in the picture above, what if you can’t even see any tiny snippet of underwear?  What if they simply aren’t wearing any?  This is a bad mental image; not because I’m against anyone going commando, but if it’s a guy wearing normal clothes there’s probably going to be a zipper rubbing against their junk.  This can’t be good…

Ass crack on anyone is awful.   However, men are a tad bit more disgusting simply because they’re so hairy.

Some of you might be wondering what became of the hypothetical girl in the library.  Well, after seeing the two man ass cracks in front of her she packed up her stuff to move to another table.  And, while walking past the male offenders she memorized their faces so that she could forever judge them.

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Not a fan of man ass, what about female ass?  Check out previous posts: Jeans with No Back Pockets, Pantylines, Whaletail, and Tramp stamps.

If in doubt, check out the master list.





1000 Things We Hate #215: Dirty Glasses

4 01 2012

Less than half of you readers will be able to relate to this, but that doesn’t matter.  Those who have glasses have more than enough hate to cover the entire world population.   Dirty glasses suck.

Maybe the Chineese will come up with a solution.

Perhaps you, the glasses wearers, are super obsessive or paranoid like me.  Obsessive because I always have to have clean glasses.  Paranoid because I’m always afraid of eye gunk and wipe my eyes causing glass smudges.  The combination is a vicious cycle between beauty and vision.  However, even if I stopped wiping my eyes I’d still have dirty glasses.  Why?

1. Rain.  It leaves horrible spots and is practically unavoidable.

2. Food.  Juicy fruits, which I eat daily, that love to squirt.

3. Dust.  Impossible to avoid.

4. Many, many more.

Well, why are clean glasses so important?  That’s a stupid question.  Those with impaired vision want normal vision; we try to see the world for how it is not how the dirt makes it.

Smudges, dots, haziness.  It’s all bad.

I’m a perfectionist and I need perfect vision.  I’d like to take my eyes through a time warp to before they started going all wonky, but that isn’t possible.   I need the aid of glasses.  But, when perfection is challenged (through glasses) multiple times a day I get angry.  When I don’t have my microfiber wipe around I get even angrier.  You might want to stay clear on one of those days.

In conclusion, dirty glasses suck.  It’s one of the most tedious annoyances I can think of.

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For all your hating desires check out the master list.  I’d suggest reading about those “cool” hipsters that wear fake glasses.





1000 Things We Hate #207: Manure Covered Dogs

8 12 2011

Dogs.  I’m not exactly a fan but I don’t completely hate them either.  What I do hate is their compulsive desire to roll in anything smelly.  My home (or I should say my parent’s home) is located in the country with cow, horse, and plenty of other manures readily available.  So of course, every time the dogs go out they find a present to bring home to the family.

You might think the dog is cute but that's just because you don't have smell-o-vision...yet

Not only do dogs covered in manure smell like crap but their happiness also seems to increase exponentially.  This correlates to an increase in jumping on everything from furniture to the other dogs to me.  The smell spreads everywhere.

If the dog decides to roll in manure when you’re far away from home on a walk (which happens quite often with my family when we go to the river) they smell up the car on the way home.  This concentrates the smell for those unlucky enough to be riding along and leaves the foul odor for later car rides.

The final horrifying gift the lovely dog grants you is the pleasure of cleaning the manure off of them.  I absolutely refuse to do this by exaggerating my dislike for dogs, but I know from others’ experiences it is not pleasant.  If you don’t have a dog brush, you have to rub the shampoo in with your hands.  Yay, crap on your hands.

In conclusion, Dogs + Poop = Gross.

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If you (dis)like poop check out more hateful posts about bird poop, dog poop, and human poop.  Or maybe you (dis)like dogs; check out dog barking.  If all else fails consult the Master list.





1000 Things We Hate #205: Proactive Commercials

8 12 2011

My ill feelings spur from sleeping in a New Zealand airport one night with Proactive commercials streaming for hours.  I’d rather they turn off the TV or put it on mute.  There was not one person there who cared about Proactive.  Plus, while you’re trying to sleep in uncomfortable chairs watching videos about acne isn’t exactly soothing.

What are the components of a proactive commercial?

1. Looking at acne…gross!  I was a teenager once and had to look at it in the mirror everyday; I don’t want reminders of that period in my life.

2. The Stars!  Avril Lavigne, Jessica Simpson, Justin Bieber, and Katy Perry! If I didn’t hate you before I hate you now.  I realize that it might be a good marketing scheme to humanize famous people to make acne seem normal (and it is normal) but who would really want their brand attached to an acne product, especially one so annoying. Additionally, it might just be me but when the stars talk they sound fake.  More fake than the usual commercials.

Am I the only one who finds it funny that JB is the only guy spokesperson? Is that good for his brand?

3. The “free” products.  Like many other commercials there’s always a free acne cream or whatnot.  They repeat over and over that it’s free, but is it really?  No, the price of the “free” cream is in the overpriced product itself.  If proactive is sooo great then why is it so expensive?  I don’t see any fancy ingredients (though I admittedly am not a genius on the subject) therefore I don’t understand why it’s so jacked up.  Then again, perhaps it’s expensive because famous people use it?  You’re paying a few extra bucks to brag about having the same acne treatment as Jessica Simpson…whoa, fancy.

4. Timing.  Proactive commercials aren’t normal commercials, they’re almost always paid programming.  That means 20 minutes of stupid, pus-y acne fun…or lack of fun.

5. The Music. Proactive commercials always have fast, upbeat music in the background.  Not only does this suck when you’re trying to sleep in an airport but overall it’s annoying.  It makes you feel anxious (obviously so you feel insecure about your skin) and gives rise to blistering headaches.

I can’t vouch for the quality of the proactive product, but I can say with absolute certainty the commercials are dreadful.

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Are you so enthralled with hating on things!  Alas, there’s a cure!  Check out the MASTER LIST of 1000 Things We Hate to get your hate on!





1000 Things We Hate #204: Apologizing again…and again…and again…

7 12 2011

In order to not come off as a snob I’m going to try to set some hypothetical scenes for you:

You go over to your friends house so they can show you their new clothes and you mistakenly say you think one of the shirts looks hideous on them.  They get super offended (no one likes honesty these days) and say such things as “well, this is the last time I ask you to come over” and “if you’re going to be mean just leave.”  How do you handle the situation?  You either leave as your friend requested and cause your obviously fragile friendship to shatter or you apologize.  The apology isn’t sincere (both you and your friend know this) but it doesn’t matter.

Cut. Next Scene.

Your friend says something stupid.  You say, “You’re stupid.”  Okay, so maybe they’re not entirely stupid and rather they’re just being stupid at the moment, but why should you have to apologize.  Are you not being honest?  Did you not correctly use the word stupid in a short, grammatically correct sentence that fits the occasion?  Alas, your friend is offended and you must amend the situation with a simple, “I’m sorry.”

While “I’m sorry” may be simple I can’t be the only one who is getting tired of saying it.  I do have the emotion shell of a cockroach and am blunt but this issue goes beyond my own personal flaws.

I remember playing sports in high school and everyone (including myself) apologized for making a tiny mistake.  Seriously, all that talking was eating minutes away from my life.  Plus, saying I’m sorry does little to help the situation.

As I watch tv (both sitcoms and reality) I get fed up with the massive amounts of “Sorry.”  There’s always that character, usually a guy, that messes things up and his over-controlling girlfriend or wife gets super pissed.  They ignore or treat him like a dog (I’m all for woman power but it gets a little sickening) until he finally apologizes.  And then everything goes back to normal!  Seriously people?  Did anyone study psychology?  Can you not see all this conditioning going on?  The behaviour is going to continue in a cycle and the apologies go for miles.

Yeah...he's only apologizing to get sex tonight.

Apologizing is not inherently a bad thing.  When I truly do something wrong, I want to apologize sincerely.  However, all the insincere apologies from myself and everyone else in the world is devaluing the words.  Most of the time if someone apologizes to me I know it’s BS, but I accept it because that’s what society has taught me to do.

As an extreme example think of all the times politicians say they’re sorry.  What do the words mean; will they change what they’ve done or is it a condolence void of any meaning?  I’m biased enough to chose the latter option.

A new sector of greeting cards: Diplomatic Apology

If you’re truly friends with a person you won’t make them feel guilty for the small things and compel them to apologize.  You’ll save the apologies for when they really matter.  I, for one, am really tired of muttering those two tiny words constantly.

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Did we neglect to mention how “sorry” we are for enrapturing you into our beautiful, spiteful, dream world!?  Well, we’re not, but we’d still like to suck away your time.  Check out the MASTER LIST for more 1000 Things We Hate!








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