Things We Hate #4: Butter Knives

8 08 2009

This is my first entry in the new “Things We Hate” Category, and I hope to make it a good one.

It’s about these stupid, little buggers:

I have to say, nothing infuriates me more than useless utensils.  Why the hell do I need two forks when one works perfectly fine for my salad and main course!?  Nothing tops them all more than the butter knife.  I like my cutlery simple!

It’s sole purpose in life… butter.  You grab your butter and slide your stupid knife through it and spread the butter on bread or whatever.  Sure, you can use butter knives to spread other things like cream cheese on a bagel or something… but why use different knives to cut the bread and then put something on it when you can just use both?  That’s just more dishes calling out your name… and who really, deep down inside, enjoys dishes?

Not just that, though, angers me about butter knives… if they were human, they’d be the pompous asshole at the party who makes note of how much better they are with their good looks but uselessness.  People actually go through a lot of effort to decorate these goddamn things and make them look fancy:


Knives are just much more meaningful when they have an edge on them and could actually do something.  Honestly, which would you rather have at your disposal: a wolf or a bunny?  Because that is honestly the difference between one dumbass instrument and something that works.

The one exception useless utensils have is an apple slicer… because, quite frankly, they’re beautiful.



2 responses

18 01 2010

I managed to cut myself on a butter knife once.. I’m blaming bad luck. Since then I try to avoid knives whenever possible.

Apple slicers are amazing.
I met a guy in Wisconsin, that would eat the core as well. The entire apple minus the stem. (Though I wouldnt put it past him to eat the stem)

9 11 2011
1000 Things We Hate #200: Opening a Jar Lid «

[…] Or using a butter knife! […]

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