1000 Things We Hate #10: Jeans with No Back Pockets

20 09 2009


Some things in life were seemingly made just to disgust people… that’s obviously the case with jeans that have no back/butt pockets.

I’m having a pretty good day today.  Our new kitten (Sabretooth) is sleeping in my lap, and I get to write a paper about The Daily Show.  Later, guests are coming over for a dinner potluck and a movie… so, nothing really to inspire hate… except I remembered someone I saw at the humane society wearing jeans with no pockets yesterday…

Have you ever been at the supermarket or some other store and seen a really obese person with these… that’s the worst.  Typically, these types of jeans are commonly worn by latinas who want to show off their big butts.

Well, I hate to break it to you crazy women of the world… but jeans with no back pockets are by far one of the worse pieces of clothing ever developed.  Not only do they make your ass look like a gigantic, misshaped bulge, they have less pockets (which are one of the greatest things invented!) and sort of ruin any sort of hope you have at being stylish.

Now, here’s the art of why jeans with no back pockets make you look terrible:

  1. The less the details on the back, the more we have to actually acknowledge that that’s your ass in your jeans and have something less to stare at.
  2. Pockets offer a break and some more interestingly intricate detail on the jeans… without the pockets, the jeans just look plain cheap.
  3. Your ass actually looks bigger and more attractive with pockets.  Think about it, the pockets add an extra bulge in the back.
  4. A lot of dumbasses (in high school, primarily) wore jeans with no pockets with normal underwear and not a thong.  Equally disgusting are underwear lines.
  5. You basically look like a loser if you try to pull these off.  Celebrities don’t go near this shit.

So, please, every person who owns a pair of these monstrosities, do yourself and me a favor by promptly burning them.  Otherwise, I may vomit on you if I see these in person again.

For more involving the pants you wear, check out: Panty Lines, Leggings, Jeggings, and pants with holes in them!

Ahoy! More 1000 Things We Hate awaits you!



11 responses

29 09 2009

Yes, we ethnic women love these pants! I assume you’re not. Think about celebrities such as Jennifer Lopez and Beyoncé…do these mega stars not count? Besides ethnic people are not cookie cutters copying celebrities.

1. Don’t stare at our butts we wear these jeans to attract men who appreciate booty

2. Cheap?…I assume a person’s moral standing is all summed up by the jeans they wear. Shallow.

3. Not true pants with out pockets make your butt look bigger…duhh that’s the whole purpose

4. High school? I understand the attitude…never matured

5. Let me reiterate…JLo, Beyoncé

For all you women who love the attention from having a beautiful booty cruise the internet there is huge market waiting for you. My favorite is azuljeans.com

4 01 2010
John W.

You’re spot on here. Those jeans are a disgrace to asses. Even worse, as you have said, they’re nearly always being worn by some moose who would be better served by a giant trash bag.

It’s not a matter of “pulling them off,” either. That’s like saying you can try to “pull off” an Eddie Murphy fat suit. They just make whatever it is you have look worse by a factor of ten.

I’m not sure why they’re horrible, but they are. Considering yoga tights and ladies’ workout apparel is generally bearable, I can’t figure out why these pocketless jeans are not.

Oh, and I’m taking back what I said about “pulling the off.” Actually, pulling them off is the best thing a girl wearing them could do.

18 01 2010

I’ve seen some very petite women wear them and make it work… simply because they have no body to speak of. However, in general pockets make the world go round.

8 02 2010
1000 Things We Hate #23: Leggings as Pants « MechanisticMoth

[…] ass is fairly nearly completely exposed with no pockets (see: #10: Jeans with No Back Pockets) to add any emphasis or cover up your butt a […]

5 04 2010
1000 Things We Hate #36: Jeggings « MechanisticMoth

[…] the most part, these things do not have back pockets… failing yet another rule.  If they do, they are either too extremely thin to be of any […]

4 09 2010
Ass Lover

OMG. U actually don’t like women with them sexy pocketless jeans? Oh man I really love women with tight pants, with or without back pockets. They like to show off their nice asses and i like to look at their nice asses. Ass Power!

10 12 2010

ew. sorry, but ew.

their asses look terrible in these jeans, considering the only women that wear them are size 14 and up.

18 09 2010
1000 Things We Hate #102: Distressed Jeans « MechanisticMoth

[…] you wear on your bottom half.  From Leggings to Jeggings to Underwear Lines to Pajama Pants to Pants (more than likely jeans) with no back pockets.  We are verrrry picky on what you grace your bottoms with. Removing that crisp look of fresh […]

14 04 2011

pocketless jeans on women are the only ones they should wear, loved the way they look since 2nd grade at first recollection. From a true ass lover

27 06 2011
Bill Wilson

Here in Brazil, world capital of ass watching, all prefer pocketless jeans. Show the curves. But if you butt is 4 feet across, should not even wear tight pants of any sorts. As to panty lines, French wear panties to make sure you see the lines. Here most wear thongs.

And with tight jeans, pockets can be nice, but when filled with junk, cell phones, keys, etc., ruin your looks.

11 02 2012
1000 Things We Hate #222: Man Ass « 1000 Things We Hate

[…] a fan of man ass, what about female ass?  Check out previous posts: Jeans with No Back Pockets, Pantylines, Whaletail, and Tramp […]

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