1000 Things We Hate #30: Starbucks Size Names

9 03 2010

Small, Medium, Large, and Extra-Large, DICKHOLES!

I’m going to promote my hate for the absurdity of Starbucks Size Names through a poem:

Fuck You, Starbucks – by Elliott Sawyer

Fuck You, Starbucks
Fuck You, Starbucks
Fuck You
Starbucks

I do not believe in a small
Changing its name to tall as
Froth foams from my mouth
From both the bad tasting chai
and your name equating to the South
During the Civil War.
– – – – – We all know how that turned out, whores.

Sixteen Ounces does not size
Up to the liquid when I Grande-ize
As your tacit persuasion efforts
Ascertain fat, liberal pricks and all
Of their business fancy shirts
and numerous calories.
– – – – – We all know you don’t need anymore, shitdick.

Venti means twenty in Italian
Fuck that shit, I’ll eat a scallion.
Look at that bad couplet Starbucks,
Your awful names for your drinks
Don’t even allow for clever poet luck
or a nice experience.
– – – – – We all know you masturbate when you see all of the Macs.

Fuck You, Starbucks


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5 responses

10 03 2010
Rita Jane

This made me laugh in a serious way. I agree with your hate.

10 03 2010
Nicole

i don’t know what the naming cup sizes in different languages is all about…but originally, there was no venti, it was just short, tall, and grande, which makes a lot more sense. but i agree with the fact that their size names are stupid.

3 06 2010
Habin Lee

HURRAY!
APPLAUSE!
I mean, seriously, you’re good at english =DD

30 07 2010
Hannah Haugen

Star bucks can suck it! They are horrible as a corporation and the quality of their coffee. The alternate naming of the size is just adds to their inflated egos. Well I liked this poem I think this post would be more effective as a rant. Or you can keep the poem but I personally would really like a long hateful rant. Star bucks truly deserves this.

18 08 2011
1000 Things We Hate #179: Employee Smoke Breaks « MechanisticMoth

[…] (except their food) So, I am not opposed to 7-11s rearing their ugly heads ON EVERY CITY BLOCK like Starbucks.  What did make me rather disgruntled was seeing a 7-11 employee sitting on the curb DIRECTLY […]

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