1000 Things We Hate #36: Jeggings

5 04 2010

What the fuck is happening?

Holy fucking motherfuck godshit people!!! There is a crisis going on out there.  What is it?  It’s called trendy trendsters from either the hipster group (where it’s ironic) or the superficially well-maintained, sorority group (where it’s considered comfortable and what everyone else is doing) thinking that apparently the entire silhouette of the body from the pooch down is considered fashionable.

To some extent, I like skinny jeans mostly because even though they can become fairly ridiculous, at least you can tell there’s still some material there.  Leggings, you can wear underneath skirts or something to remain warm, but they can go oh so wrong when they’re by themselves as pants.  Nevertheless, a new style has arisen out of the criticisms of the legging as pants to make them a bit more legitimate: make them out of stretchable denim.

The Jean Legging… the Jegging.

0.05% of America, these are for you... even then, I'm going to kick you in your cooch if I catch you in these

For the most part, these things do not have back pockets… failing yet another rule.  If they do, they are either too extremely thin to be of any benefit or the shape is fucking drawn or stitched on!  Unlike leggings, they do occasionally have front pockets, but, like the back, serve no real purpose other than psyching everyone out.

I suppose the main insult Jeggings provide me is that they recognize that leggings weren’t just cutting it, but they still needed something just slightly more acceptable… so, let’s use the working man cloth and piss all over it.

Does anyone remember what stretchable denim is normally used for?  Yeah, fat grandma jeans.  Think about your Grandma’s hairy old vag being cameltoed as the stretchable jeans wraps around her misshapen belly just above the navel.

Kate Bosworth... to be honest, I don't know why you're famous... so stop it, there's no excuse.

Not only is this even newer trend (newer than the Leggings without pants because it’s totally capitalizing it) nauseating, it’s not fiscal in the least.  While perusing Urban Outfitter’s online catalog (because, this is obviously one of the most common destinations for the newest non-conformist conforming and trend-following octopuscunts to find their information), I find that the average price for Jeggings is $39.  Wait… seriously?  I buy jeans for $20-50.  Sure, I’m a guy, but I’m super skinny and tall so they’re hard to find in a relatively common size.  But, $39 for something that is crazy thin, barely protects you, and loses the purpose of the legging with warmth?

Um, I’m pretty sure that Lenin just rolled in his glass display case while no one was looking.

If there was a way to effectively combine bastard and asshole without looking silly, then that name-calling would describe you shittholes who follow this upsetting, ridiculous, and vomit-inducing trend.  The 90s had acid wash and goofy neon sweat pants, the TwentyTeens had the Jeggings.

Speaking of which, the name is just stupid because most people aren’t going to be jogging in these.  It sounds like a dance that involves a lot of violent arm thrusts resembling the mocking of male masturbation.

And Models are supposed to be great dressers? You look like a 12-year old from '92. Sienna Miller, I hope everyone fires you and you live your life on the street as a crackwhore after this.

So please, stop it.

Skinny jeans were skinny enough.  Now, you just look like emaciated bitches with perfect teeth and a nice sheen.

I’m still promising to start kicking cooches if I see these on people.

This website spreads nothing but lies: How To Wear Jeggings (obviously impossible, dumbasses).

Oh yes, and I just found about this today… I am going to be reeling all week… possibly for months… possibly in a year I will look back upon this post and think, “things have gotten even more out of hand.”


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4 responses

11 04 2010
1000 Things We Hate #23: Leggings as Pants « MechanisticMoth

[…] our other 1000 Things We Hate on Jeggings, the new atrocity trying to legitimize Leggings as […]

18 09 2010
1000 Things We Hate #102: Distressed Jeans « MechanisticMoth

[…] have a really big problem with those things that you wear on your bottom half.  From Leggings to Jeggings to Underwear Lines to Pajama Pants to Pants (more than likely jeans) with no back pockets.  We are […]

24 09 2010
1000 Things We Hate #103: Boots with Socks (showing) « MechanisticMoth

[…] that I will deeply resent people for doing it.  (I have made an exception for one friend who wears Jeggings) FASHION DISASTER Ashley Tisdale!!! Tim Gunn would be so disappointed in […]

12 10 2011
1000 Things We Hate #10: Jeans with No Back Pockets « MechanisticMoth

[…] more involving the pants you wear, check out: Leggings, Jeggings, and pants with holes in […]

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