1000 Things We Hate #37: Forks Scraping Against Teeth

6 04 2010

I am not one of those people who gets psyched out by nails against a chalkboard.  However, my equivalent is forks scraping against teeth.

Imagine the fork screeching across her pricey dentures breaking off tiny pieces of them.

I suppose the reason I hate this so much is for two reasons:

1. It reminds me of going to the dentist with that little scraper thingy (that you also use to dissect owl pellets) being jammed against your teeth and excavating the plaque off of your little whites

2. It’s beyond me why people can’t just not make a sound and move their lips around the fork and never touch their teeth in the first place. Just use the goddamn suction of your lip and mouths and you can avoid the whole thing by wrapping your mouth around it.

Whoops, I slipped my hand and shoved that fork through your upper lip...

Alright, we’re eating around the dinner table… I hear a scrape.  My ears perk up.  Where the fuck did that come from?  Oh yeah… FUCCKKKKKK You!  I dive, you look lost and confused.  I shove my hand upwards at your fork.

The fork gives you 4 Marilyn piercings, and a couple nose piercings… or it goes into the back of your throat and blood gets in your lungs and you die… yeah, you die.

So, if you don’t want any piercings or death to trouble you.  Don’t make that screech to that noise with that metal with that pronged utensil.

She scraped a fork against her teeth, now look at her: living in a third world country.



2 responses

30 01 2011

what the hell. connecting the pic with this post’s topic is such bs. so offending. yo.

15 12 2011
1000 Things We Hate #209: Christmas Wreaths « 1000 Things We Hate

[…] to the unforgiving fright that is embodied in Christmas Wreaths.  They cause famine, AIDS, and cleft lip.  They have been known to sprout legs, hunt prey, and barbecue baby […]

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