1000 Things We Hate #38: Glass Art

6 04 2010

Glass Art: Breakable Vomit

Before even moving to Tacoma (the glass art capital of something), I really did not care for glass art.  Sure, I had seen some glass balls blown and some beads made, but I was thoroughly unimpressed.  I understand that there’s a lot of talent in it, but it just does not seem to come out in the end product, to me.

Plus, it doesn’t help when you’re museum devoted to you is, what I have dubbed, “the giant tit of Tacoma.”

Madonna Cone-tit, mind you.

So, what’s so bad with glass art?

Well, there’s a huge fucking variety of it.  No one has really come up with a variety of names for it like painting for the public to use… so, it’s mostly just referred to as “glass art” or “blown glass art” or “this schlock is a waste of $8 to see lined up.”

I feel like there’s a grandiose amount of possibilities for glass art, but I just have not seen anything that really pushes the buttons for me.  Most of what you get is abstract bullshit because the person fucked up in making a decent curve and decided to crumple it up.

Then, my most despised enemy: the sea life inspired glass art.  For some reason, glass art has completely bonded to sea life imagery which is completely beyond me.  Apparently, making a greenish curvy glob with a thin point is always considered kelp?

BRIGIGHGHTHHTHTTTTT

Another problem is that most of the art is so goddamn bright.  Honestly, if you went to view some of this shit on a sunny day, you may need glasses because the majority of it is in neon or something equally obnoxious.  I would also like for more of the art to not be the wavy bullshit as seen above.  I like precise, defined edges… I like art where it doesn’t seem like you’re constantly fucking up and calling it art for a profession, grant money, and world renown fame.

Which brings me to the greatest, most hated perpetrator of all: Dale Chihuly.

Your face matches your art, prickfish.

Chihuly… also known as the guy that basically makes a shitload of singular curly shapes (via his students or workers underneath him) and throws it all haphazardly together and calls it art.  Basically, consider it a three dimensional collage but completely not as cool as it would seem.  I feel like he just has done the same 10 shapes probably 16000 times and installs them in all different parts of the world and gets praised as a hero, his cock is sucked proficiently, and glass rays circle around his head.  He is a bastard.  He is a Garfunkle groupie with a chip on his shoulder but not his art.  I really don’t think this asshole has any talent.

Even better, Chihuly has inspired a whole slew of imitators to infect the world one pretentious installation piece at a time.

Even better, Chihuly donated a self-portrait of his ass to Puget Sound that’s hanging up in the Wyatt building that looks like a children’s drawing of venus fly traps fighting giraffe penises.

My dream: taking one of Chihuly’s glass hoohickies and using it as a javelin right into his other eye!  Fuck yeah!  Go Team!

Wait... what's the point of this?

Glass art, you were never supposed to expand past aquarium furnishings and beads.  You’re a waste of time, effort, human creativity, and an awful site.  It’s like a cow took a shit while on acid and after eating sixty Flintstones Pops.


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2 responses

7 04 2010
Greg

I like the glass art and the Museum. I liked the installation a the Seymour Conservatory especially. Not love, but like.

But what I do love is when someone takes a sacred cow and holds it up to the light to see the cracks. It never dawned on me until you said it, but you’re right – the boundaries of glass art have got to be more expansive than the safe collection they house now. Bravo!

23 04 2013
Paula

Okay, so first off let me say I think you’re spot on about Chihuly. I really don’t like his work. However, there are other artists making really incredible things in the glass art world. Look up Karen LaMonte, Tom Patti, or Paul Stankard. Those artists (among others) are making some really incredible works in glass, and it’s an art movement that’s really just starting to take off.

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