1000 Things We Hate #47: Spiderbites

9 04 2010

Yeah, you needed to see that before you die.

Nevertheless, the types of spiderbites I’m talking about are:

…okay, not that.

…woops, not that, either.

…or that.

Okay, more like that.

Those other things are just some stuff I wish onto people I don’t like.

So, those tiny, occasional spiderbites you may get from time to time from spiders and being outside and invading their natural space.

Now, I don’t blame the spiders.  If I had something so gargantuan to me as a human to a spider, then I would probably just go around biting human fuckers all the time for the funzies of it.  I’m more so concerned about how goddamn itchy spiderbites can be.

They’re not just normal itchy either.  You scratch them and they start to bleed or ooze and then just become 30x more itchy which goddamn sucks.  You put some nice ointment on it, and it still doesn’t solve anything.

I like spiders, but could they at least make their toxin less chemically upsetting to my skin… I mean, their defense mechanism doesn’t have to be too bad, does it?  I’ll take the spiders out to some fly dinners if they could just tone it down a bit… or promise to never bite anything between my navel and knees or above my shoulders… I think that’s fair.

So, spiders, do we have  a compr–sorry, Sabretooth just accidentally licked my nipple while she was grooming herself on my lap–omise?

Wow, that was really off-putting.

Come on, I just had to.

I’m going to go listen to “The Spiderbite Song” by The Flaming Lips, now.


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23 09 2010
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