1000 Things We Hate #63: Removing Staples

7 07 2010

Today, I face a hate that is on the line for hate/secret pleasure.  To some, this hate may be thrilling; for others, this may be such a furious office job that they will snap upon reading this and agreeing with EVERY WORD I SAY to the point that they will become a taxidermist… of humans.

What is this conundrum?

Removing Staples.

What a failure at the simple tasks

Alright, let’s make this clear.  I cannot vouch for a surgeon removing staples and/or sutures because I’m not a surgeon/doctor or whatever.  Nevertheless, because it’s a mildly gruesome photo, I must include it:

Contrary to popular belief, Surgeon's actually use their crazy amounts of forearm hair to handle their tools

The monotonous task of removing one staple at a time from a packet of paper or a folder or something of equal value just gets tiring and old quick.  Now, I agree that the very first one you do (if successfully) feels AMAZING.  This is the hard-on of the office world, no doubt.

However, more often than not you will fail miserably at removing the staple perfectly.  This is when the staple grasps gently on both sides of the remover lovingly hugging and snuggling each other despite their pointy edges.  The failure amounts to usually one furiously attacking the staple that has only half come out sometimes resorting to USING YOUR TEETH.  This is not favorable for dental hygiene but occasionally gets the job done.

The staple just dangles their still rooting itself in the paper packet with one of its ends mocking you.  Finally, when you remove it, the staple no longer looks like a staple any longer but a macabre exercise in the crooked warfare of the office.  At this point, your fingers are bleeding along with your gums, and you are furious.

Jurassic Cool

However, it must be mentioned that there is a growing effort to make the process of removing staples more enjoyable.  It is the animal-with-pointy-teeth-skull-and/or-body-thing Staple remover.  These are phenomenal with their sense of wit and detail.  Sure, they cost $55 or so, but EVERY PENNY IS WORTH IT.  If this gets me through the day of pretending that I’m ripping through the flesh of a paper packet as a miniature predator, then I’m all for it.


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