1000 Things We Hate #66: Lindsay Lohan

15 07 2010

Only have we here at MechanisticMoth taken stabs at real people for 1000 Things We Hate.  These occured with Andrew Lloyd Weber and English Class Dick.  However, it’s high time someone faced our wrath.  And, as Monique (you’ll see later) accurately describes: Lindsay Lohan is a fucking cunt.


You know, there are some celebrities that deserve their fame.  I mean, I’m not much of a fan of U2 (yes, this is the go to example), but, as occasionally pretentious as Bono can be, he still does some great work for the world.  Lindsay Lohan is a celebrity riding on the backs of others and basically shitting on cardboard then smearing it onto the general populace for not being as “good” as she is.  As Monique elaborates:

Honestly, what has she done in the last 5 years that has actully been noteworthy other than her coke addiction? Nothing. I cannot think of one role she has been in that has been any good whatsoever. She’s a child star not even on her way out, she’s been out.

Parent Trap: The beginning of the end

This is a case of fame going to someone’s head.  She’s quite nearly as much of a blowhard as Mel Gibson.  Her alcohol and coke and whatever else are FUCKING RIDICULOUS.  She doesn’t deserve what she has.  I want to see her crumble.  I want to see her implode.  I WANT HER TO BECOME DARK FUCKING MATTER… or the size of an atom because that’s how fucking insignificant she is.

True, the counter-claim is that she’s significant enough for me to bitch about how insignificant she is, BUT STILL.  That’s a paradox I do not feel like addressing.

If I could live in a world of violence, she would be deadly vagina punched

Frankly, I enjoy watching her spiral out of control.  I like to see the crash and burn.  I like to see the explosion of a career.  I like to use cheesy phrases.  What I don’t like?  WHEN HER FUCKING STATUS AS A CELEBRITY GIVES HER LEEWAY FOR HER GODDAMN FUCKING CRIMES.  Monique states:

Alright… as far as I’m concerned she gets exactly what she deserves. I’m a little disappointed that she didn’t get any more. If I were the judge I would have given her 20-life. Maybe that’s just me. She deserves nothing from the legal system. If she disobeys the law she should expect what’s coming to her.

Now, that’s a fairly reasonable argument.  I mean, the law is there for a reason.  And, frankly, checking into alcohol detox for the millionth time before a hearing does nothing to sway my or (should it) the judge’s or public’s opinon.  Monique once again spells it out:

No one likes her. Take your hearing like a fucking man. You break your probation you should go to jail. Just because you’re a star doesn’t mean you get special treatment. Man, what a cunt.

Mentally unstable/drunk

The one good thing of the sputtering failure that is Lindsay Lohan, is that there are a lot of pictures of her where she looks really ridiculously dumb.

So, me dream occurrence of  Lindsay Lohan’s shining failure:

1.) Lindsay goes to jail for a gigantic 90 days

2.) The world suddenly forgets about her because of how (fucking) insignificant she is

3.) Lindsay gets out of jail with no one waiting to pick her up

4.) All of Lindsay’s monetary backstock has somehow magically been drained

5.) Lindsay gives blowjobs for coke after being forced to live on the street

6.) The cycle repeats with a longer jail sentence each time.

I'm surprised you've lasted so long, too

Monique best summarizes it when she said:

She’s just going to end up like Danny Bonaduce and the rest of the gang with nothing going for them expect their next reality tv gig and a bottle of sky. Fuck that. I don’t give a shit. I’ve always hated reality tv anyways.

Being in a Robert Rodriguez film does nothing to change my opinion

So, the end result: FUCK LINDSAY LOHAN.

For more terrible movie star ripping check: MEGAN FOX



4 responses

18 03 2011
1000 Things We Hate #150: Megan Fox « MechanisticMoth

[…] In the same vein as today, we’ve also trashed on another terrible actress/star/thing, Lindsay Lohan.  On top of that, we’ve even accidentally plastered Olivia Wilde’s ass onto the site […]

27 02 2012
1000 Things We Hate #229: Oscar Presenter Banter « 1000 Things We Hate

[…] some actors to hate?  Check out our posts on Lindsay Lohan and Megan […]

8 04 2012
1000 Things We Hate #237: Fancy Teeth « 1000 Things We Hate

[…] if you want to direct your hate at a celebrity or two, then check out these posts on LINDSAY LOHAN and MEGAN […]

12 06 2012
Feminist Frequency or One Step Closer to Eliminating Sexism « 1000 Things We Hate

[…] We here at 1000 Things We Hate pride ourselves on hating things.  Some of them are trivial like words or phrases while others are big things like Lindsay Lohan’s acting capabilities. […]

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