1000 Things We Hate #78: Magazine Inserts

16 07 2010

A combination of things telling women what they should want… with ads

Whether they’re to advertise a subscription service or a new product, magazine inserts are fucking annoying.  They disrupt your reading process by distracting you with not-so-convincing of arguments about why you should buy their product/sign up for their magazine.  Overall, there are two types of magazine inserts:

The Bystander:

The Bystander is that magazine insert that simply falls out while you flip through the magazine.  These tend to be the ones made of a thinner cardboard/paper that advertise for subscriptions.  By merely holding the magazine by its spine and violently shaking, you can easily rid yourself of The Bystander(s).  Be careful, though, their simplistic designs and not too snazzy pictures are purposely chosen as less annoying than The Latch(es) because you may resort to reading one of them (and become convinced) instead of a The Latch.

The Latch:

The Latch is the tricky devil that is actually attached to the magazine itself.  These are the ones that are made of the thickest paper/cardboard in order for the magazines to open right up to them.  Like a parasite, they are incredibly difficult to remove.  The trick of The Latch is that it is normally bound to the magazine staples right around the 1/3rd, 1/4th, 2/3rds, or 3/4ths mark.  Therefore, if you pull too hard, you will easily fuck up your $6 magazine.  There is also a hyper/sub category version of The Latch which I like to refer to as The Pesky Bitch The Pesky Bitch is an insert of some strange size and shape (normally very narrow but long fitting across all three staples) that takes a lot of work to remove.  You will remember The Pesky Bitch because of how pesky it was and not because of anything great that it says.  Therefore, they are normally for hardcore things like cigarettes or energy drinks.

There is a hybrid between The Bystander and The Latch that is attached to the magazine but has perforated edges in order for you to remove the majority of it semi-easily (and take with you to buy things!).

Magazine Inserts (excluding The Pesky Bitch) typically come in rectangular shapes like cards for you to tack up onto your fridge.  The makers of them really think ahead.  That, and the other things above, make them all to easy to hate.


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One response

18 09 2010
Carol

What a waste of trees and it fill up our landfills also. Stop the inserts!!!

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