1000 Things We Hate #83: Checkout Lines

17 07 2010

Is this the line to heaven? ...for some people it is...

I suppose this is another one of those easy ones to figure out.

There’s a lot to not like about check out lines, I mean they force you to be around other people.  They force you to be in close spaces with those people.  They force you to wait for your food.  Hell even the 10 Items or Less checkout line(s) or Self-Checkouts take a long time.  Personally, I like to actually talk to a person (weird, right?) instead of using a machine.  Naturally, I do not talk with any of the people I’m in line with unless they accidentally touch me, then I scold/scald them with my eyes.

I think I once read somewhere that you’ll spend like 3 hours of your life waiting in lines… which, I think I read it when I was a child, probably doesn’t count in the fact of all of these gosh darn machines hanging about now and making things “easier” for us.

I understand that the checkout people are under a lot of pressure, but I really hate getting that one person who just happens to be the slowest checkout person in all of the lines.  Of course, you have rushed into this lane where you are now only behind two other people from a lane where you would have been behind five other people.  Naturally, due to the slowness of the checkout person, the original lane has totally kicked your ass in all sorts of ways.

Another day, another trouble, another boredom, another anxiety

Knowing me, I like to create some mischief.  So, the best way to make other people’s days go by worse is by whipping out my Oregon ID.  That’s right bitches, tax exemption.  Target, as seen above, is pretty damn good about it.  They just input my License ID and I’m set to save nearly 10% (fuck Washington’s sales tax) of what I would have had to if I was a resident of nearly any other state.  So what if Oregon’s economy is crumbling, fuck that.  Keep in mind, I still pay sales tax on my comic books because I’m nice to what I love.  Sorry picture frames and cookware, you’re just not good enough.

Other places (like PetSmart or PetCo or some other Pet Place) have to whip out giant binders full of people’s IDs of tax exemption in order to put you in there.  This is beautiful because it takes 5-20 minutes to get that $3 off my purchase, and I hold a whole fuckload of people up until they’re forced to open another lane.  It’s great.

Anyway, this only works if I’m causing the ruckus, not when someone else does.  When someone else does, whether it be checkout person or customer, I get angry.

Two redeeming qualities about waiting in line:



Crazy Weekly World News headlines.  Of course, you’re too embarrassed to actually pick the magazine up and browse through it, but it still provides some good humor.


I wish I could shop with some Secret Service Agents, too!

The possibility of shopping with President Obama.  Sure, it’s very unlikely and he has underlings to do his groceries for him… but, there’s always a sliver of a chance.



One response

23 11 2010
1000 Things We Hate #117: (Lack Of) Shopping Cart Etiquette « MechanisticMoth

[…] the squeekiest wheel that reflects their talkative mouths.  They also always seem to be in the checkout lines too distracted to actually do […]

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