1000 Things We Hate #96: Lipstick on Teeth

12 08 2010


Now, I work with a handful of older women.  Women who cannot go out of the house without lipstick on.  Women who take tiny amounts of time off of work to reapply their lipstick.  Yet, early in the morning, two hours into work and they haven’t seen themselves in the mirror, they more than likely have lipstick on their teeth.

This occurrence seems to come more naturally in older age, but there are the ADORABLE cases of children getting wild with lipstick.

Boy + Smeared Lipstick + Grin = ADORABLE

So, those children have an excuse because it’s funny.  To be honest, it’s a little funny to see older women (or men, if that’s their thing, but I have yet to see it) rocking the red teeth, but I also find myself WISHING TO POLISH OFF THEIR TEETH WITH A NAIL FILE.  Little bits of teeth grinding off into viper fangs, and then they’ll adopt the name of “Lazure”.

I suppose the big issue is that, if you’re going to wear it or constantly check on it, you should at least be self-aware enough to be able to tell that you have smudges on your teeth.  Because, quite frankly, I do not enjoy IMAGINING YOUR TEETH BLEEDING PROFUSELY.  It’s an icky thought.  I already have problems enough with the dentist.

She knows it

Now, I’m under the impression that women (or men or whatevs) do not need to wear make-up.  I feel that it eliminates from their natural beauty.  However, that doesn’t mean that I don’t mind seeing it occasionally.  If a person knows how to wear it well, then they can do minor little things that really enhance their features.  I like that.  But, lipstick is too bright and cumbersome to really make any positive effect.  I mean, I had to fill up one of my co-workers water jugs (she broke her knee at the beginning of summer vacation), and her straw was STAINED RED from lipstick.  That’s just disgusting.  Lipstick just seems to get in the way of everything.

Then, on top of that, you throw in the strong possibility of it smudging all across your teeth, and it just does not seem worth it.

OMG Miley, WTF?

I suppose part of the problem stems around the awkwardness that the viewer of the smudged teeth-stick faces.  Do you tell them, or do you not?  It’s a really strange thing to tell someone “hey, your lipstick is all up in your teeth and it kinda looks like your teeth are menstruating”.  Naturally, most people would not say it in those words.

I tend to side on the “not telling them” protocol.  Particularly because, even though I hate it so much, I just want the person to go around smiling at others with their red (or whatever other color) teeth and make a fool of themselves.  I mean, that’s the way I roll.

Then again, the world would be just a much better place without the majority of terrible lipstick out there.  So, my first effort to eradicate this disaster is to pee on the store shelves.  That will teach people a lesson.



One response

8 04 2012
1000 Things We Hate #237: Fancy Teeth « 1000 Things We Hate

[…] More on teeth?  Check out LIPSTICK ON TEETH. […]

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