Alright, I recalled my massive hate for North Face jackets last night while slightly intoxicated after crashing a freshmen dance. So, I feel like it would have been so much more vehement last night had I actually been much better at typing. Nevertheless, I HATE FUCKING NORTH FACE JACKETS.
I know, I know… I live next to Seattle: the North Face hub of evil. In fact, I know for a fact, that it’s factual that North Face sits up in their downtown office (I have no idea where this is… but it exists!) plotting how to cover people with half fleece half other material. They know that I’m out their (along with my fellow patriots), and they taunt me with one attractive girl after another in a North Face jacket knowing that all chances I may have had with that person are out of the window. Yes, I am that judgmental (in case you couldn’t already figure it out).
Now, a lot of 1000 Things We Hate are about fashion. This wouldn’t be the case if people didn’t look so FUCKING STUPID all of the time.
Case in point: The North Face jackets are some of the dullest articles ever to be created for 55 and under weather. They ruin all possibilities of creative layering, and they make everyone look like schizophrenic ants.
Now, I cannot argue that these jackets aren’t practical. They’re warm, comfy, and serve the function you buy them for. However, there are also much more attractive coats and jackets that serve the same function. Hell, even snowboarding jackets captivate more interest than these blobs.
They’re practical but in the same way that rubbing mud on himself made Schwarzenegger invisible to Predator. Sure it works, and you defeat the thing in the end, but do you look good doing it? HELL FUCKING NO.
On one hand, I have to applaud pop culture phenoms like Angelina proving that, yes, even celebrities look like fucking disasters in North Face jackets. It’s just a giant no no. Like a no-fucking-no-stop-it-now-dammit.
There’s nothing adorable with these like a simple pea coat or something.
Even better is that North Face recognizes that they’re coats are ridiculous in their predictability and staleness…… by making them ridiculous in their poor color choices reminiscent of those decades past that we may like to just forget about. Next thing to be added to North Face jackets to make them cooler (ha pun!): SHOULDER PADS.
I believe it goes to be shown that I prefer for people to look damn good while having some practicality to their clothing… rather than just sticking to the practicality side of things.
North Face is like clothing throw up.