1000 Things We Hate #100: Emoticons

10 09 2010

We’re 1/10th of the way done, bitches.


I’m going to do something a little different on this post to celebrate #100.  I’m going to let the people of facebook express their opinions/look really fucking dumb using OpenBook as a resource.  I will, of course, add commentary to them.

First off, let me just say that I hate Emoticons so fucking much and have since I was 11 using AIM.  Although, I do have to say, my one guilty pleasure is:   T_T

4 hours ago Jundee L. Carrillo said:

😦 even an emoticon can’t express what really i am now…,,,

In response:  Well, you used one anyway, dumbfuck.  That just sort of negates your whole point.  And, emoticons are so base that they have no capability at summing up even a fragment of human emotion.

6 hours ago Tom Ginger-ninja Butler said:

^_^ <<<<<< that face, right there…. is actually, the best emoticon,,,,,, ever.

In response: Actually, the best emoticon ever would be the one made directly after me bashing your face in with a fucking pineapple covered in barbed wire.

6 hours ago Reece Beaumont’s

phone doesn’t even have a semi colon on it. So I can’t make a winky emoticon. Texting just got even colder.

In response: Unfortunately for you, Reece, you can no longer hit on 16 year old girls anymore.  Well, this may be for the best.

1 day ago Arturo Reyes said:

Using more than one emoticon in a sentence should be a crime.

In response: Finally, someone I agree with!  However, this implies that still having one emoticon in a sentence is acceptable.  It is not.  For that, he just gets a swift kick in the shins.

1 day ago Nital Patel said:

I HAVE A JOB, I HAVE A JOB, YES, YES, YES!!!! Oh man im so happy right now, there’s not a smiley emoticon that can represent how happy i am about this YES!

In response: Like Arturo above, I agree with you.  However, you still suggest that an emoticon could summarize some part of your emotion(s).  So, a small “fuck you” to go.

1 day ago Braeden Secretlyasupervillan Swain said:

I present, the Braeden Swain emoticon. ≀BD›

In response: Not only can you not spell “villain,” you have ensured the dooming of the human race: creating personalized emoticons.  Dammit, I want to grind your teeth and eyes in vinegar and salt.

2 days ago James Bartlett said:

As long as you use a cute emoticon, you can insult anyone you want. Isn’t that right, stupid? 🙂 The fact that you exist causes me genuine physical pain. 😉 LOL JK ROFLMA JOWISBFLSH

In response: You know, for a moment there, I thought there might actually be a practical reason for emoticons, but this was all ruined by excessive acronyms.  James Bartlett, you deserve a headbutt… from a rhino.

7 days ago Siobhan Iero-Coleman:

just discovered a new emoticon– X/ …….. its amazing the genius you can come up with.

In response: that is not genius, that is merely you combining two previous emoticons to come up with one EVEN FUCKING WORSE.

8 days ago Kris Cernjavic said:

I woke up to find the world was grey. I didn’t leave it like this last night, there was colour and it was pretty. This morning has seen a big absence of life, fun, happiness and love. (Big black hole emoticon please)

In response: Maybe you should just kill yourself?  I mean… for the use of SAYING THAT YOU NEED TO USE AN EMOTICON BUT NOT USING ONE… which may just be worse, I’ve decided.

10 days ago Cameron William Gardner said:

Everybody look at me vagina emoticon!……… (‘)

In response: Wow, I’m not sure where to begin, but I do know that vaginas don’t really have emotion by themselves… so, the whole calling it an emoticon thing is way out of line.

11 days ago Brigitt M.N. Martin:

wishes there was an emoticon for the toothless smile of a six-year-old

In response: Right after I punched it in the face!  OOH BAM!

13 days ago Justin Anderson said:

i wish there was an emoticon for hate

In response: No comment…

As my friend Ishan cleverly pointed out, “I hate emoticons because I love them.”  However, I don’t love them, and I hate the people who use them.  Fuckers.  Fuckers.  Fuckers.

So please, don’t be a fuckhole, stop using your goddamn emoticons.



11 responses

10 09 2010


10 09 2010
Beverly Gayle

I have evidence archived away on a file somewhere of your emoticon moment. Heh. Fucker. 🙂

11 09 2010

That was meant to be ironic!

26 10 2010
cory anderson

T-T hEE hEe

26 10 2010

@-@ me no comprende
you baka no kisma

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