1000 Things We Hate #101: Pumping Gas

15 09 2010

Even trashy whores do it!

I am about to negotiate interesting territory.  Plus, I have only about 25 minutes to do it in because I want to be outside when there’s a school wide emergency drill.

Anyway, I’m spoiled.  That’s right, spoiled.  As in, I’m an Oregonian.  What does this entail?  Oh yeah, I pull up to the gas station expecting for someone to come right out and do the dirty work for me so my dainty hands do not get slightly dirty.

Yep.  I pull right on up to the gas station, roll down the window, turn off the car, and wait for someone to come by and ask “what can I get for ya?”  I naturally say “fill it on up, regular.”  They do it.  It’s great.


The problem now?  Well, I live in Washington.  Meaning, as much as I LOVE to whip out my Oregon ID to get tax exemption, I still have to pump my own gas.

This is an extremely confusing process for my Oregonian self.  Each station seems to be completely different ready to confuse the fuck out of me.  To the point that my prissy little self gets overwhelmed by Washington and any other state’s self-gas pumping and just drives off without getting any gas (this has definitely happened before).

Pumping gas, magical?

To me, it’s just annoying to get out of my car in whatever weather condition there may be and stand outside as I feel the liquids chugging away into my golden (Lillian believes it’s “champagne”) beauty of a car.  I would much rather sit inside my car and let someone else do the work.  Plus, gas may be a little bit more expensive in Oregon, but I like the idea that, no matter how menial it is, gas pumpers are getting jobs.

The Great Equalizer

Now, here’s the sticky part of this hate… Celebrities pump their own gas, too.  Well, that is true if they don’t have servants who do it for them…  Anyway, this pumping gas phenomenon means that, even for the 5 minutes or so that it takes, celebrities are a little more human.  I hate celebrities who think they’re hot shit instead of focusing on their craft of what made them famous (specifically actors although Paris Hilton is only famous because she’s rich which is really frustrating).

So, if pumping our own gas makes celebrities a little bit more real for a moment, I guess I’m okay with it.

However, that means that, if you’re ever around a celebrity while they’re pumping gas, you must take advantage of their vulnerability.  Promptly bend them over and fistfuck them in the ass… that will teach them.



One response

21 01 2011
1000 Things We Hate #133: Sweat Stains « MechanisticMoth

[…] however embarrassing sweating is, it does have some benefits.  Like pumping gas, it is a great equalizer.  Everyone sweats.  And, on occasion, some of this sweat shows.  […]

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