1000 Things We Hate #108: Cat Fleas

26 10 2010


You know, just the other day, I realized “hey, I’m not as angry at things anymore.”  And, well, it’s true: I’ve lost some of my fire.  Now, that’s not to say that I’m never going to make it to 1000 with the help of my lovely co-writers.  It just means that I’m not as ferocious and rebellious (and sexy) as I once was 6 months ago.  HOWEVER, I still have a list of at least 70 things that I’m ready to write about, and I usually add a new one every couple days or so.  Nevertheless, I’m just not as angry.


Yeah, I know you were waiting for the catch, IT WAS THERE; ARE YOU FUCKING PLEASED NOW?

Here's what I have to look forward to ALMOST EVERY DAY.

Let’s go through some logistics here:

  • My cat is an indoor cat.  Now, I do take her outside on the leash every now and then, but not for the last two months
  • The fleas had to have come from someone else
  • Fleas are gross and they multiply
  • My cat has suddenly decided she must sleep on my face at night
  • Fleas are nearly impossible to crush and/or catch in cat fur
  • The medication usually doesn’t work on the first try
  • Constant cleaning of sheets and floors
  • Having a pet with fleas makes you feel like a bad owner
  • Fleas are bastards


Okay, I appreciate that my cat wants to show me some love and affection, and, to tell the truth, I have definitely not been touching her as much.  BUT TO SLEEP ON MY MOTHERFUCKING FACE!?  She’s got balls (not really).

Diggin' in!

All of these issues have accumulated into the dreaded bath.

Now, I gave her one on Sunday, and (oh) BOY was it terribly wonderful.  I guess getting revenge for all of the times that someone has just happened to bite my face to wake me up in the morning to feed her really is sweet.  Sure, I felt bad, and it was the loudest (she is a very loud meower anyway… so, triple the loudness) I have ever heard her meow ever.

Well, I figured “hey, that went OKAY, I should try again because the fleas are starting to go away.”  So, tonight I gave her another bath.  This time, however, SHE WAS FUCKING PREPARED.

I stepped into the tub with her in my arms.  She wrestled her way out of them.  She climbed over my shoulder onto my back.  I was standing up.  She was clinging on for dear life.  I have some minor holes in my back now.

SO FUCK YOU FLEAS.  YOU LEAD ME TO THIS PAIN.  Plus, you’re fucking annoying and gross and bastards and I just want to headbutt all of you and watch Pawn Stars…




One response

26 10 2010

…fleas, you have a 20 second rebuttle – your time starts now.

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