1000 Things We Hate #122: Fake Flowers

11 12 2010

Your silk and plastic smells SOOOO GOOOOD

There’s this point at about 50, I believe, where people just give up on gardening flowers.  Maybe it’s 60 or 70.  Some people never give up and they spend hours of their lives weekly making something so transitory look good.  So, what’s the solution for this?  FAKE (fuckin’) FLOWERS, PEOPLE!

Honestly, what a cop out. (which we’re totally against here at MechanisticMoth).  Let’s just put some flower out in the yard and watch them NEVER WITHER.  The most hilarious of these instances often occur when there’s a foot of snow on the ground, yet here are some little, colorful flowers poking out of the snow radiant as can be (unless they’re old and sunspotted).

Pre-Ordained for your viewing pleasure

Okay, I get it.  Fake flowers are much cheaper and have an incredibly long shelf life compared to real flowers.  In all logic, this makes sense on a marketing level.  However, you lose something in the translation: You lose your whole sense of the natural world.  One can argue that, for at least the ones of us who live in the city, we are already in a society that spends more time inside than out.  Yet, real, freshly cut flowers displayed in a vase allows for us to bring a little bit of the outside in (excluding the mud tracks we occasionally make).  So, the whole idea of using fake flowers to achieve this look defeats the purpose.

The worst part about people who utilize fake flowers is a special sub-group.  They are the PERFUMERS.  These are the ones that actually take perfume that smells like flowers (Hilarious combinations can be made with a smell of roses with a fake gardenia or something) and sprays the fake flowers with it.  I mean, seriously… seriously? seriously!?

The real and the fake begin to blend

As mentioned earlier, the worst perpetrators of the fake flower crime are those that decorate their yards or patios with them.  Then there are those that keep them in the house.  These seem to be the two predominant uses.

However, there is one exception to the rule: Fashion.

A nice little addition

A bit of flare can be added to an outfit with a fake flower.  Now, this fake flower is usually not made out of the same material as those meant to be displayed in the house, but they do sometimes look the same.  Overall, this minor addition to any outfit can really add an extra touch.

So yeah, Fake Flowers suck badly.  But, if used correctly in the realm of fashion, then they really work.


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7 11 2011
1000 Things We Hate #198: Flower Headbands «

[…] have gone on record to say how much I hate fake flowers, and I believe that the flower headband is a very strong continuation of this belief.  They just […]

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