1000 Things We Hate #135: Seagulls

25 01 2011

Like a virgin...

Admittedly, my hate for Seagulls has dampened through the years.

Nevertheless, they annoy the fuck out of me.

It seems as if there was only one bird that would shit on you it would be the seagull (if you lived along the coast, that is).

That brings up another point – sure, there are different types of seagulls all around the world, but they are all relatively the same bird.  THEY CAN BE FOUND ALMOST ANYWHERE NEAR THE SEA.  They’re like the secret agents of a big government conspiracy terrorizing small children on beaches the world over.

As a child, I already knew the best offensive tactic to gain the upperhand with seagulls: charge them.  They’ll be circling a batch of seaweed looking for crabs or something and I’ll instantly start to charge.  It has honestly become second nature.  There is so much pleasure in watching this batch of fucking annoying birds fleeing at your loud and ridiculous gesture.  Which, on the other hand, points out how stupid the human race can be.

The Flock!

The whole group mentality that seagulls work with is rather frustrating, as well.  I suppose the name suits well.  “The Flock” referring to the act of the seagulls rushing to get to the next item as interest in an unorganized fashion.  In one sense, this action is actually kind of funny to observe.  On the other, IT IS TERRIFYING.  It’s like all of the birds work together at not working together.

Caws abound when they’re together.  The seagull screech is probably one of the most identifying noises people can make out even without being able to replicate it.  You hear it, and then you tense up knowing that danger awaits!

Wingull Pokémon

Even a Pokémon based upon this silly creature cannot save it from the realms of idiocy.  It’s evolution Pelipper (based upon a Pelican) is far superior to it… despite, you know, remaining a really shitty Pokémon stats-wise.

In the end, Seagulls just all around suck.  Sure, seeing them in the snow (that strangely happening three times in Tacoma this year) can be extremely entertaining.  But, aside from keeping the ecosystem in check, they really do not have any redeeming qualities.


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4 09 2011
1000 Things We Hate #180: Bird Poop « MechanisticMoth

[…] wait, never happened)… I feel like the most common perpetrator of these heinous crimes are seagulls and […]

16 03 2012
1000 Things We Hate #233: Common Starling « 1000 Things We Hate

[…] This isn’t the first time birds have been addressed on this website.  Check out the painfully bitchy Seagulls. […]

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