1000 Things We Hate #146: Handkerchief Nose-Blowin’

3 03 2011

Okay, I’m going to start this off by acknowledging that I completely understand that I am walking a thin line here.  I admit that handkerchiefs help the environment by not using 10,000 tissues and that they’re useful because they’re always so handy in your pocket.

Nevertheless, there is just something about someone carrying a snot-covered rag in their pocket all day.  On top of this, I don’t really foresee the carrier of the handkerchief to go home and wash it every night.

Here’s the deal.  You get a runny nose, you feel the goop slowly oozing down your nostrils, and you instantly look for relief.  Reasonable, right?  Well, here’s where it goes all wrong.  You reach into your pocket and pick out your magical cloth (which, I admit, has to be much more comforting than those tissue papers out there (although some come infused with aloe!) on the market) which stays at your trusty side for these moments of dire need.  THIS IS REASONABLE.

What is not reasonable?  AKA – why the fuck is he bitching about something that he is seemingly supporting?

Well, my problem with handkerchiefs is that you blow your nose into them, snot comes flying out and clings like poop to a hairy dog’s butt, and then you fold it up and place it right back there in your pocket.  It’s like a constant reminder that YOU ARE SICK and YOU ARE GROSS.  It just gives me the shudders imagining someone pulling out the handkerchief for round two and having to find a different spot on to leave a mark on the map.  Imagine putting your nose back into dried up, yellow, possibly still a little sticky snot to leave an impression yet again.

I understand that this may not be the case, and I frankly have no experience with handkerchiefs, but just that action laid out above makes me shutter with uncontrollable frequency.



2 responses

8 03 2011

We think alike. I just wrote a very similar article titled “Hey! I’m eating here.”

28 09 2011
1000 Things We Hate #187: Class Cougher « MechanisticMoth

[…] Handkerchief Nose Blowing […]

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