1000 Things We Hate #155: The “-gate” Suffix

29 04 2011

Before we start, let me refer you to a helpful Wikipedia link: Gate Suffix Lists.

Alright, have you perused those yet?

No really, I implore you to take a long, hard look.

Long and hard people.  Long and hard.

Alright, now that that’s out of the way, it’s time for me to bitch.

POLITICS AND MEDIA ARE UNORIGINAL FUCKERS.  Big surprise there, right?  But seriously, there was this little thing called “Watergate” that happened.  Apparently, it forced someone to resign and some minutes of tape were erased and other fun things like Deepthroat.  Anyway, that was a big fuckin’ deal!

Apparently, it was so big and fuckin’ that every goddamn controversy has to have “-gate” at the end of it!

I have never felt so embarrassed to be an American since Randy Jackson became a hit, jive sensation on American Idol.  Sure, this is retrospective embarrassment because, obviously, I wasn’t around for Rinkagate.  Nevertheless, it seems like all of the goddamn -gates are rearing their ugly heads within the last fucking 10 years.  I’m guessing this has to do with the proliferation of the media news.  24/7 broadcasting needs to come up with inventive new ways to fuck with people’s minds and keep the day passing by.  Oh yes, they also need to fight for their salaries.

Damn you, Randy!!!

And what’s even more exciting than the same news story repeated every hour!?  Coming up with the same news story that will be repeated every hour that has “-gate” attached to it.

It seems like anything that sparks controversy these days ends with “-gate” because we are a group of brain-stagnant little fucks.

Then again, there have been some humorous gates in the media.  I particularly like “Nipplegate” because that was hilarious!  I remember my dad and I watching the Superbowl, being blasted away by a nipple with a sun ring, turning to each other and going, “did you just see tha…?”  AND THEN WE SHRUGGED IT OFF.  Seriously, is someone baring their nipple on live television to the equal par as A PRESIDENT LYING TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE!?  I declare that the entire Bush Jr. Presidency to be “Bushgate” and I also trademark that for a porn… in case it hasn’t already been taken!  Yeah… it probably has.

Big surprise! Ugly Boob!

Now, I’m going to go and ignore the coverage of the Royal Wedding.



One response

11 11 2011
1000 Things We Hate #201: Etc. «

[…] and phrases such as: the skinning the cat phrase, the you know phrase, I don’t know, otay, the -gate suffix, the Monday excuse, and many […]

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