1000 Things We Hate #158: Popped Collars

11 05 2011

Douches travel in packs

As we tack on more educational years onto our belt, it seems that a lot of things get weaned out with knowledge.  For instance, in grade school you made a volcano for the science fair (yes, I know this is the common-go-to-kid-thing but seriously… we all did it.  And, if you didn’t, then your life has been a waste).  Then, in middle school, you made an even bigger volcano with possibly two peaks.  Then, in high school, you made a volcano that literally blew its top a la Mt. St. Helens.  Finally, in your undergrad program you learned why you’ve wasted such a large part of your life building paper maché volcanoes.  Instead, you decided to build a quantum reactor… of course, you have no idea what this means, but eventually – after going through your grad program and doctorate – you discover that it is possible to travel Quantum Leap style and you win a Nobel Prize.

Anyway, my point is that as you get older you get smarter.  And as you get smarter you learn to leave your past in the dust.  Nevertheless, there are still some stupid mothafuckas that cannot, for the life of them, grow the fuck up.

Let’s travel through the progression of the popped collar like I did the volcano… Grade School = Popped collar was adorable and made you look tough while you had dirt all over your face.  Middle School = Popped collar is cool for some but Black and color-dyed hair is much more popular.  High School = POPPED COLLARS EVERYWHERE.  College = Occasional sighting, but hopefully people have learned.  Grad School = hopefully, at this point, they have been obliterated.

But then I think back for a second and realized how privileged I am.  I am going to a liberal arts school where we shell out 50k a year to prove that we’re better than everyone else.  DOUCHEBAGGERY is still all too present at most state schools.  College frats are riddled with them.  OUR COLLEGE-FILLED PLANET IS BECOMING A HELLHOLE.

Way too old and religious for this deadly dance (ps, your cereal looks eighty times better than you do)

Nothing sings “giant douche” like the popped collar.  Polo shirts are stupid within themselves (signifier of the privileged class) so why emphasize it through the popped collar!?  ARE YOU A FUCKING HEDGEHOG WITH A DRILL HOLE WAITING TO HAPPEN FROM A PENCIL?  Really!  Are you?

Even if it’s a joke, popped collars are just not cool.  In order to make my point, I challenge someone to send me one cool photo of them in a popped collar.  You can send it to: thetodolistproject@gmail.com .  I will post all photos up and we can judge for ourselves.

Otherwise, we may just have to take a spade and gouge out a hole in your leg and turn it into a bloody bird bath.

Here are some examples from comic books:

Dick Grayson rocked the look in the 80s when he first became Nightwing

Iron Fist has been rocking basically the same look since the 70s

And numerous bad guys have also gone for the high collar look… which really seems impractical because it sort of blocks your line of sight.

Mr. Sinister strikes again!


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13 08 2011
Cool Popped Collars

[…] 1000 Things We Hate #158: Popped Collars « MechanisticMoth Grade School = Popped collar was adorable and made you look tough while you had dirt all over your face. Middle School = Popped collar is cool for some but Black and color-dyed hair is much more popular. High School 12 Comments for 'cool popped collars' […]

13 08 2011
Collar S Shopping Blog

Popped Collars Jokes…

[…] Nevertheless, there are still some stupid mothafuckas that cannot, for the life […]…

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