1000 Things We Hate #172: Stupid Nicknames

11 07 2011

I’m going to start this off by stating that some nicknames can be good.  I know Ashleys who go by “Ash” or something of the sort which is cool and understandable.  What I’m not quite sure about is when you nickname someone Biggie Smallz or something because they are large for the small size (appropriate for a little large person?).  Indeed, all of the little somethings out there is kind of ridiculous.  There are some good nicknames out there, sometimes it is just hard to find them.

For instance, I nicknamed this one girl Magikarp because, well, she looked like a Magikarp with her larger size, fish face, and ability to only splash (ironically enough, she was a lifeguard… an awful one at that).  Sure, it was mean, but it did encapsulate her identifying features.

Yes, I knew someone who looked like this Magikarp

Speaking of Pokémon, I believe I am at fault for the stupid nicknames.  I suppose that most of the nicknames have stemmed out of boredom as I hatch Gen III starters all day long for the hopes of trading for a shiny.  Pokémon allows you the option to nickname your newly caught or hatched Pokémon.  So, of course, I came up with names like “spatula,” “Fried Chkn,” “Biscuit,” or “Tongue”.  These sorts of names were things that came off the top of my head as I got them.  They made me happy knowing that I was trading off a ridiculous sounding nickname to some poor sap who needed that starter.  So, I admit it, I probably propagate this sort of behavior.

Nevertheless, it really pissed me of when I got a Cranidos that was nicknamed Jolteon – a completely unrelated Pokémon.

This Cranidos does not look like...

...this Jolteon

So, it just pissed me off that someone went out of their way to confuse me.  At least my nicknames were mildly amusing while this one was just stupid.

Sure, stupid nicknames are a matter of opinion, but this was a ridiculous example of the youth being worthless.  I really felt ashamed for playing Pokémon and trading with this person.  I really just wanted to knee them in the fucking face.

I feel like nicknames are a chance for you to create your own persona.  They were around all the time when you were younger and sometimes you were able to come up with them on your own and your friends would follow suit with whatever you decided upon.  Other times, they would nickname you on their own for better or worse.  Nicknames as kids don’t usually stick, but they are a matter of identity in your formative years.

Nicknaming someone “Pizza Face” when they have acne is just cruel and is a perfect example of stupid, insecure, and cruel people coming up with something that actually reflects upon themselves their own ineptitude and unoriginality.  Nicknames should be used positively like parents calling their children “champ” or something of the such.

So, be original or get out and maybe go have a slurpee dumped on your head.

And yes, I know everything I just said made me a total hypocrite.


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