1000 Things We Hate #182: Wet Band-Aids

12 09 2011

Occasionally, I’ll admit it, I’m a dumbass.  As is common in all dumbasses, we tend to do stupid things.  Like, for instance, cut our fingers while slicing open an avocado.  Now, I may go on a long yarn about how my experience has challenged me and now I stand up for my rights and want to get avocados outlawed in our state, but… well… I just don’t have the time (but, seriously, something I’m open to doing in the future).  So, what brings me here today is the curse of the wet Band-Aid.

First of all, let’s clarify something.  Band-Aids are clearly a brand.  They are not the actual item!  It is a small bandage that you apply to assuage some cuts or something.  So, whilst (I was reading a British argument about using the word lesbian to refer to lesbians rather than queer or gay and the writer used this about 800 times)… shit… I forgot what I was going to say… uh… while doing something… I had to put on a band-aid.

Shit… wait for it… okay, I’m all set(!).  I had to apply the band-aid to my gushing finger wound while my hand was still wet from washing off the blood (which was quickly replaced with more blood).  That is normally fine.  It’s a little bit of water, no harm done.  What is tragic, however, is when you take a shower – yah yah! I’m getting clean! look at me I’m naked! yah yah! – and suddenly YOUR BAND-AID IS NO LONGER DRY.  It’s tragic.  It gets all gooey and gross and weird and leaves residue.

The most obvious thing would be to put on a new Band-Aid.  However, this may relieve some of the pressure and you may just start bleeding again (you can ask the notch in my thumb about that – you know, the time I almost sliced off the tip of my thumb because I was too distracted talking about Walker, Texas Ranger than to pay attention to the bell pepper I was chopping).  It’s a dangerous balance you must make.  Clearly, the Band-Aid is not as nearly effective as it is dry, but do you really want to risk it?  Plus, if you take it off, you have to then look at the horrorshow the resides underneath.

Overall, a wet Band-Aid is a lose/lose situation… and it should be crucified… done.


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