1000 Things We Hate #187: Class Cougher

28 09 2011

Being sick sucks.

Everyone pities the sick person while secretly thinking “Get the hell away from me!”  And then there comes a point when you begin to hate, I mean seriously hate the sick person.  The greatest example of this is the class cougher.

Imagine sitting in your class room listening to the lecturer talk and someone coughs.  Okay, no big deal. Then they cough again.  It’s getting a bit annoying but you just ignore it.  Then there’s a third cough.  At this point you’re seriously annoyed.  Why won’t the person just leave the room?  Obviously they’re not feeling well and they’re screwing up everyone else’s concentration while spreading their icky germs.

Then they cough again!  By this point everyone is shooting daggers at the cougher.  They’ll remember his/her face for the rest of the semester and will constantly hold a grudge against them.

Maybe they even look like a douche while coughing.

Also, consider the multiple sounds of coughing.  Sometimes it sounds like a rhinoceros being birthed.  Other times you can literally hear the phlegm rattling around or sticking to the sides of the throat like gooey silly putty.  But, no matter what it sounds like the cough makes everyone else shiver with the thought of infection.  I, personally, don’t want to be infected by the germs or the hatred.


***Yet, I must add a disclaimer that I was inspired to write this post because I was the class cougher  a few weeks ago.  Hence, I must also argue the opposite position: being the class cougher sucks.

When you are the class cougher you feel insanely guilty.  My coughing attack started half way through class.  I wanted to leave the room but was in the middle of a row and couldn’t exit without making at least 5 other people stand up and move out of my way.   Instead, I tried to hold in the coughs.  This led to:

1) making myself literally tear up while trying to hold in the coughs.  Now if anyone did look over at me they’d also see tear stained cheeks which would make me seem more like a freak.

2) when I finally did cough they came out in semi-dog barks.  Yes, I was practically barking in class.

I suppose the message of this personal story is don’t judge the class cougher too harshly.  Yes, we can hate them with every fiber of our being during class but afterwards remember that they weren’t trying to be annoying.  It just kinda happened.


For more about annoying sicknesses check out these 1000 Things We Hate:

Handkerchief Nose Blowing


Waking up to a Sore Throat






2 responses

28 09 2011

Last year in an English class, I did an experiment to see how often people coughed. I would fake cough directly following someone else’s real cough. I stopped after 5 minutes – it was too hard to keep up.

16 07 2012
COUGHING « 1000 Things We Hate

[…] it made me think of our post on the infamous CLASS COUGHER.  The difference being that I’m not actually in class.  FOR SHAME! I […]

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