1000 Things We Hate #194: Cleaning Fish Tanks

25 10 2011

I have never looked so goddamn happy and inquisitive in my life...

It’s been awhile since we have turned to OpenBook.  So, let’s let the denizens of facebook with low privacy settings indulge us in their terror (and misguided sarcasm) of cleaning fish tanks.

Ashley said 16 days ago:

just spent the last 2 hrs cleaning my sisters fish tank!!!

My advice?  Remove your sister from YOUR ENTIRE life.  What a skank making you clean up after her disgraces.

Andie said 19 days ago:

Finally cleaning the fish tank. #ew

Exactly!  Agreed!  Hashtag the shit out of that being disgusting!  Because fish are gross and need dissecting and eating.

Tony described 21 days ago:

Damn my blood parrot attacked the crap out of my hand while i was cleaning my fish tank…. it tickled

Holy shit!  You mean you put your bloody hand into your fish tank!?  You sick fuck!  I guess you’re just going to die from diabetes now…

Amanda celebrated 1 month ago:

Such a pretty day guess I will open the blinds and get to cleaning the fish tank and house! Yay so much fun 😀

YOU ARE SUCH A FUCKING LIAR.  FISH ARE HELL.  HELL ON EARTH.

JeanMarie whispered softly a month ago:

So I was cleaning my fish tank tonight, as I do at least once a week (10 fish = quite a lot of poop), and i moved one of the plants slightly so I could clean the gravel below it. While doing so I noticed something small and dark up against the filter intake. It was a fishy. A dead fishy. I killed a fishy 😦 Farewell little whitecloud. May your journey through the sewers to the sea be swift and rewarding with your end point being little fishy heaven. *Cry

Hey, hey baby.  Don’t cry.  IT’S NOT LIKE IT’S A GODDAMN FISH.  I hope you bawl your eyes out.  I hope you cry so hard they burn because they are on fire – with green flames – and then they’ll start bleeding everywhere.  Why do you put yourself through this?  You even admit it’s a lot of poop.  My advice?  Pee into their tank every day until they die of ammonia poisoning.

Oh OpenBook, source of all wonders.

Go Goatee man! Go!

Why does an ulcer burn a hole in my stomach over the cleaning of a mere tank?  WHY!?

Well, let’s return to the summer in which you could see in my tweets every other week a crisis.  A crisis of cleaning the tank at work.  The fish poop would swarm the tank and the algae would go wild and I would inhale deeply and it would taste like shit… complete and utter shit.

My hands would be covered and I would die on the inside.  JUST FOR SOME STUPID GOLDFISH.  They’re not even that interesting looking.  I plotted their death.  I still plot it.  An act of revenge.  Wait until the end of the school year when I graduate college fish, just you wait.

Those tats mean business.

Spiteful hating and goldfish destroying not enough to quench your thirst!?  Check out the MASTER LIST for more amazing hates!


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25 10 2011
Goldfish « 1000 Things We Hate

[…] Tassel Leggings 1000 Things We Hate #194: Cleaning Fish Tanks […]

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