1000 Things We Hate #197: Rectangular Cut Sandwiches

4 11 2011

TWICE THIS WEEK.  TWICE THIS WEEK I HAVE FACED THE ULTIMATE EVIL.  THE ULTMATE EVIL THAT I HAVE FACED.  THAT VERY ULTIMATE EVIL WAS.. the rectangular cut sandwich…

I typically don’t get sour tastes in my mouth unless I haven’t brushed my teeth recently.  Nevertheless, my mouth quivers in anger at the sight of my sandwich-maker cutting my sandwich in half horizontally.  DIAGONAL, PLEASE!!!

But no, they insist, your sandwich should be in a nice rectangle to throw the rest of your day THE FUCK OFF.  It probably doesn’t help that they’re cocky when they cut your sandwich.  Like, “I’m the shit, I cut sandwiches, bitches.”  Yeah, so true.  Of course, they do it so quickly that when you’re about to go “DIAGONAL PLEASE!” they have already exacted their frustration with the world out on your sandwich.  Of course, if you do exclaim “DIAGONAL PLEASE!” and they have already cut your sandwich, you just look like a yelling fool.  But, I’d like to think that all of those other diagonal sandwich eaters behind you empathize just a bit.

So, what’s the big deal about how you cut a (fucking) sandwich?  Well, let’s just consider how you even eat a sandwich… First, most people’s strategy is to eat from the side of the sandwich towards the middle.  A diagonally cut sandwich makes this quite easy to accomplish by having smaller at the ends of the sides.  Eating towards the middle of a rectangular sandwich actually causes the contents to be pushed out to the edges thus making the sandwich messier.  It is also a lot easier to eat a diagonal sandwich with one hand than a rectangle sandwich.  Plus, triangles are just pure sweetness.

An exception, will you please, often pertains to the bread choice you make.  For example, Croissants are fucking near impossible to cut in any reasonable way.  Sub sandwiches are often difficult, as well.  Nevertheless, if it’s a square sandwich, then cut it diagonally… or Santa Claus will cut you… in your sleep…

For a more thorough and scientific approach to the art of sandwich cutting, check out the NPR Article HERE.


Actions

Information

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: