1000 Things We Hate #200: Opening a Jar Lid

9 11 2011

Frustrations of a Century

We as humans have accomplished a lot (or very little).  One of these accomplishments was the preservation of food with canning.  Now, many people in the world rely on canned or bottled goods for sustenance.  It’s unfortunate that fresh food isn’t available for everyone, but canned food provides a relatively easy alternative.  In that respect, I believe that no one will question us in our grand 200th hate that opening a stuck jar lid is probably one of the most infuriating things in the world.

FLASHBACK – Sunday night I was eating my staple college meal of pasta with canned pasta sauce (spinach and cheese!).  A typically, normal meal.  I boiled my pasta up and cooked it.  I poured it out into the strainer, and then proceeded to attack the fucking pasta sauce lid with a fury.  IT WOULD NOT OPEN UP.  For a good ten minutes – or at least as long as it takes for pasta to cool – I groped the lid with my sturdy fingers, but it would not budge.  Finally, something was defeating me in life!  I could not understand what was happening to me!  Was it sucking away my powerful spirit (yes!), was it breaking my heart (yes!), did my fingers really fucking hurt (yes!).  I’m not the most muscle-y guy, but I figured I could at least do the simple task of opening a jar lid.  Eventually, it happened.  Once it does, you feel really stupid.  IS THAT ALL IT TOOK!?  WHERE IS MY REWARD!?  I WILL KILL YOUR BABIES, PASTA SAUCE!

Luckily, there are numerous people who have attempted to remedy this natural disaster.

Such as opening it up with a rubber band!

Or using a butter knife!

Or taking a goddamn wrench/vice grip to it!

Other strategies may include: running the jar lid under hot water until it expands, using a bottle opener, pure strength, or BREAKING THE JAR.

I suppose opening a jar can be a great equalizer.  Everyone, at some point in their life, will totally suck at opening a jar.  It will bring you down to a whole new low.  And nothing sucks worse than a mediocre day topped with failed can opening.

Thanks for 200 out of a 1000 Things We Hate.  Hope you look forward to more!

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Was this hate just not enough!?  Well, we have a gigantic backstock of hates which you can find at our MASTER LIST.


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9 11 2011
1000 Things We Hate reaches #200! « MechanisticMoth

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