1000 Things We Hate #210: Fake Snow

15 12 2011

This is by far the funniest thing I've seen all day...

Fake snow is so stupid.  I understand, people are all like “ooohhhh, I want snow for Christmas, please!”  Well, you sound like a whiny bitch.  If you live in California, chances of you getting snow are almost nil.  So suck it up or go to a place that does have snow.

Trust me, after spending my younger years plodding around in it, the magic of snow is gone.  To be honest, I just want to dropkick snow in the face… hard.  Or, I’d like to make it melt with my sexy new pair of underwear (trust me, they’re hot).  Or, I could just stare at it long enough until it disappears (Superman, anyone?).

The last time I had fun in the snow was when we attempted to play Ultimate Frisbee in it.  That was a frigid experience, but enjoyable and rambunctious.  So, what is all of this desire about?  Some stupid fantasy about getting a stupid weather ailment?  Hmmm?

Soon, that cat will be engulfed and held by the terrorist snow tree

The worst thing possible with fake snow is fake snowing up your goddamn Christmas tree.  Do you really need to recreate an outside phenomenon in the comforts of your home?  Isn’t it sort of a paradox having snow on the inside of a house where it would easily melt?  Let’s all just go put our yule log video on the tv and watch the fake snow stay EXACTLY the same.  This is a simulacrum at its finest.

Seriously, why do it?  You could put fake snow on your tree in Maui just because that will NEVER happen unless global warming fucks everything up.  So, give up people.  There’s no use in having snow for Christmas when it is IMPOSSIBLE for you to get on a regular occasion.

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For more on Christmas, check out Christmas Wreaths and Inevitable Christmas Music!

Woo!  That was a hard one.  Do you know what will also be hard?  Not your pants, silly!  Reading all of the 1000 Things We Hate we’ve written so far that you can find at the MASTER LIST.

Enjoy!


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3 responses

23 12 2011
1000 Things We Hate #211: Inevitable Christmas Music « 1000 Things We Hate

[…] For more on Christmas, check out Christmas Wreaths and Fake Snow. […]

23 12 2011
1000 Things We Hate #209: Christmas Wreaths « 1000 Things We Hate

[…] 1000 Things We Hate #208: Bull Horns on Trucks 1000 Things We Hate #210: Fake Snow […]

26 01 2012
1000 Things We Hate #219: Black Ice « 1000 Things We Hate

[…] SLIPPITY DOO DAH! Enjoyed our thoughtful post (spewed with the occasional questionable language)?  Well, check out this here other one about fake snow. […]

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