1000 Things We Hate #212: Bent Cards

28 12 2011

How decrepid

Lately, my housemates and I have been playing many games.  These range from board games, to word games, to card games.  They have now been initiated into the world of “ELLIOTT FREAKING OUT ABOUT HIS CARDS”.  What is this world, you ask?  Well, it is by far one of the most dangerous places ever.  Once, a baby fell into the world and it came back with a severed head… BUT IT WAS STILL ALIVE.

I suppose my aversion towards bent cards began in the classic Pokécraze of the late 90s.  I collected the cards like every young child, and I put all of the foils into a special folder.  When I saw other kids cards with scratches and bent edges, I freaked out.  Granted, I wasn’t planning on making a fortune off of the things, but I like things that look tidy and well-kept.  I was a child of PERFECTION.

The beginnings of it all

When the Pokémon craze died out, so did my desire of keeping the cards.  I no longer cared about the quality of them.  I didn’t go out and throw them down a sewer drain.  Instead, I gave them to my Mom’s co-worker’s son who had autism.  I was nice once…

I like order.  So, when you mess with my cards, I still want them to look good.  Sure, having a nice well-worn deck of playing cards is nice – there’s history to them.  But, there’s also nothing better than a fresh deck.  They’re so hard and difficult to shuffle.  They make you work to play your games.

Part of the reason I don’t want my cards to be bent is because I don’t want any tactical advantage for myself or others.  I’m the type of person that will remember “the one with the slightly bent corner is a 4 of clubs” even if it’s not intentional.  Plus, I want my cards to lay flat and look nice.  If it’s a game like Munchkin or Catan, I also don’t want to pay for more (replacement) cards.  I popped $20-40 for those puppies, please don’t suck me dry further.

Nice and orderly, please!  Or, I may murder your family (or feed you to the Plutonium Dragon in Munchkin).  It’s true, I’ve done it before.  Haven’t you ever heard of Steven Jenkins IV?  That’s right, you haven’t because I killed him… with my teeth.

Not bending cards is practical.  It allows for the cards to stack much more nicely and be played with more fairly.  So, don’t fuck it up for the rest of us.


Don’t stray too far away from your computer! Many more 1000 Things We Hate await your viewing over at the MASTER LIST!



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