1000 Things We Hate #213: Sex Tours

29 12 2011

Some people like to brag.  It’s an easy thing to do.  Such as me bragging at being better than you at reading comic books.  Miniscule but effective.  It’s just a natural thing to like to talk about yourself on occasion.  Sure, some people are “brag-less.”  They’re few and far between, but these modest-ers do show up now and again.

People who brag about sex are not modest.  In fact, they often go into full detail after saying “we had sex.”  They could elaborate into what positions they did it in or whatever, but it’s bragging.  Some people are unrestrained.

This post focuses on those people who brag about sex, but not just about sex – about where they’ve had sex.  This post is inspired by my friend Autumn who was in the unfortunate position of being stuck in a car with a former housemate who drove Autumn all around to the places she had had sex in.

The problem with Autumn’s experience was that she was trapped inside this person’s car.  Autumn was getting a tour of Tacoma via sex.  It seems like the whole purpose of the trip was for this girl to show off.  It’s just not very cool to do that to someone when you’ve barely hung out with them before.  It’s as if she had nothing else to talk about other than sex.  Talking to someone about sex when you’ve barely talked to them before is intimidating.  Why would you do that to someone?  Really, why?

The person trapped has no way of getting out of the conversation for fear that they may be driven off a bridge.  It’s just not cool.  Now, if this was your new best friend who you’ve spent time with before and were comfortable at this stage to talk about sex, then it’s okay.  Basically, when both parties are consenting to the conversation then it’s accepatble.  Don’t traumatize the trapped person on your first real time spent together.

Driving around from place to place just to brag is ridiculous.  So, keep it in check.  I do not want to hear about you doing it in that parking lot, or under that tree, or on the beach, or inside that K-Mart, or in the Subway bathroom, or at that person’s house, or that person’s house, or that person’s house.

Fun fact, the girl then forced Autumn to talk to her mom.  I met her mom, she was a crazy cat lady.

Another fun fact, I am partially responsible for this event between Autumn and this girl because I was invited and said no.  Autumn was too nice to say no, and ended up getting stuck in the situation one-on-one.

Lesson: Never say ‘yes’ unless you know what you’re getting into.

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Hopefully, you’re ready to ‘get into’ more 1000 Things We Hate!  Hilarity and Hate are just around the corner over at our archival MASTER LIST!


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