1000 Things We Hate #221: Mismatched Socks

8 02 2012

Deep down inside, I truly pray that this will be the last 1000 Things We Hate post about socks.  So far, I have exhausted myself with socks that are wet, missing, holey, extending themselves past the edge of the bootline, and worn with sandals.  Seriously, it’s like I’m pissing on someone’s grave here!  The world would be a much better (albeit colder) place if we didn’t have to wear socks.

Some alternatives to socks:

  • Raw wool wrapped around our feet with duct tape
  • Recently slain animal leather
  • Bologne
  • Other animal products
  • Thinly shaved cucumber
  • Cardboard
  • Measles
  • French words
  • An octagon
  • The Bible

Clearly, if we were to use these, then our problems would be solved.  Naturally, by using these new solutions, NO NEW PROBLEMS WOULD ARISE.  That’s just how well thought out my selections are.

This hate of mismatched socks is interrelated with the losing socks in the laundry phenomenon.  People do not wish to throw their singular survivor sock away like a dumpster baby, so they instead hold onto it hoping that some day its twin will find its way home (like a pet with jaundice).  In the meantime, the person does not know what to do with the sock other than use it.  This causes them to choose two socks of a completely different genus and wear them on either foot.  This is NOT NATURAL.  Like Horse + Donkey = Mule unnatural.  You BECOME the mule.  Clearly inferior to the original pairs, the socks drag you down into the depths of Hades where only a blood sacrifice from your favorite teacher in grade school can save you.

To me, it’s all about symmetry.  I like the right side of my body to look like the left side of my body barring any adventurous scars from my youth (oh, and that whole “my left arm looks like it got in a freak accident with a celestial black matter particle” (no, seriously, my left arm is messed up) thing).  Mismatched socks prevents this symmetry.  I feel like a crab after it has gotten one of its pincers ripped off when my socks do not match.

Plus, overall, it looks FOOLISH.  You could probably stab a piece of half-cooked tofu and come out with something more visually appealing… or an eye… an eye would do fine.  This is further emphasized with colorful socks.

So, play into the sock industry’s hands (or feet) – throw away your singular sock and start up a new livelihood with more socks!


Oh my gosh!  All those socks posts making you look down at your feet too much (podophobia, anybody!)?  Well, we highly suggest examining our amazing array of 1000 Things We Hate posts at the MASTER LIST.



5 responses

8 02 2012
1000 Things We Hate #220: Missing Socks « 1000 Things We Hate

[…] socks at this site.  Apparently, covering socks with holes, wet socks, boots with socks showing, mismatched socks, and socks with sandals was NOT enough!  One can make an argument that ALL OF THOSE are things […]

8 02 2012
1000 Things We Hate #103: Boots with Socks (showing) « 1000 Things We Hate

[…] Socks are a crazy popular topic here at 1000 Things We Hate.  For further posts on those things that wrap our feet check out: wet socks, holey socks, socks with sandals, lost socks in the laundry, and mismatched socks. […]

8 02 2012
1000 Things We Hate #189: Wet Socks « 1000 Things We Hate

[…] related posts on socks, we recommend Socks with Holes, Socks and Sandals, Socks with Boots, Mismatched Socks, and Missing […]

8 02 2012
1000 Things We Hate #190: Holes in Socks « 1000 Things We Hate

[…] Socks have been on our minds… a lot.  Check out our post about wet socks here and socks with sandals here.  While you’re in the neighborhood, you can also make your eyes peep at boots with socks showing, missing socks, and mismatched socks. […]

8 02 2012
1000 Things We Hate #191: Socks with Sandals « 1000 Things We Hate

[…] 1000 Things We Hate #221: Mismatched Socks « 1000 Things We Hate (16:45:58) : […]

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