1000 Things We Hate #231: Gum on Sidewalks

6 03 2012

Get this: I’m about to graduate from my Undergraduate studies at the University of Puget Sound!  Yeah, awesome, right!?  I’m kind of excited, but, hey, I’m going to Grad School next year, so I’m not really out of school.

Well, as outlined in my previous post on icey sidewalks, my school built a beautiful Commencement Walk that I get to trah-la-la over after getting my diploma… or maybe it’s before – I’m not sure of the process.  Anyway, it has been tainted!  Tainted by the bastards who chew their gum and just throw it out willy-nilly onto the ground.  DICKHOLES!  They are ruining the experience of my advancement by spots of color and black and disgustingness.

This is kind of like cigarette litter where the people just have no respect for their environment.  HOW FUCKING DIFFICULT is it to save the gum wrapper and when you tire of the gum, just wad it up and throw it away AT THE TRASH BIN 15 FT. AWAY FROM YOU?

There’s this level in a Mortal Kombat game where there is this giant meat grinder that you can fall into and get torn to shreds.  Now, I’m not wishing that this happens to people who splatter the sidewalks with waste, but I wouldn’t be entirely opposed if it, by some chance, happened…

What’s the worst is when there is fresh gum.  You step in it and get gum on your shoe and it fucking sucks.  It sucks so bad that when you try to do the square root of pi, you end up discovering that the earth is actually 100% sea, and you’ve been living a lie.  SAD REALIZATIONS.

What can we do to combat the spreading of chewed-things-in-mouth waste?  I suggest blowing into a conch shell right into their ears every time they do it.  What do you want the school to remember you by?  That one fucking piece of gum.  YOU ARE THE LOWEST OF THE LOW.


For more on Gum, check this here post!

And, it’s always handy to refer to our massive archive of hate posts at the MASTER LIST.



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