1000 Things We Hate #233: Common Starling

16 03 2012

Up until about 6 months ago, my Dad raised a lot of birds.  We’re talking about Silver, Lady Amherst, Red-Golden, Yellow-Golden, Reeve’s, and Ringneck pheasants.  On top of this, we also had quail, chukar, and chickens.  He got rid of all the pheasants and kept the chickens and Chukars after having all of those birds for 7 or so years.  The bane of our bird raising existence were starlings.  These tiny little birds were such a pain in the ass that we resorted to BB Guns to knock them down one by one.

The thing was, these shits would fly in in swarms and eat up all of the seeds and corn that we fed our birds.  This made us throw out more when the starlings weren’t around in order for our birds to actually get a decent meal.  The starlings would also terrorize our birds and whip them into a frenzy.  They were terrible parasites.

Our BB Gun strategy hardly worked (at one point one of the BBs bounced off a rock and flew up about 300 feet to make a tiny hole in our neighbor’s window) leaving us without many options.  The strategy I most often employed was running out in my boxers and screaming at the starlings until they flew away.  Eventually, they realized my ploy and just hung around even after all of my charging.

In addition to being a royal pain in our ass, starlings are crazy loud.  Apparently, they’re mimic birds where they can imitate car noises, human speech, and other birds.  In one large swarm of these birds, you may hear multiple sounds insuring pure chaos.

Here’s the catch: starlings aren’t even a native species to North America.  Some douchebag named Eugene Schieffelin, released about 60 of these fuckers into Central Park in New York in 1890.  Why?  Because he was part of American Acclimatization Society who’s goal was to introduce every one of the birds mentioned by Shakespeare into America.  He unleashed this invasive species that is only too eager to raid other birds’ nests for their own.  Someone time travel back to 1890 and promptly headbutt this asshole, please.

They’re a nuisance.  They’re the terrorists of the North American bird world.  They’re what causes babies to have cancer.  They’re the ones that created calculus.  They’re the ones that peck out eyeballs.  Seen The Birds?  It’s not crows you have to worry about, but starlings.

Clarification: I wrote ‘Common Starling’ because they’re the ones found in North America.  There are actually some very pretty and forgivable starlings in South America and other exotic locales.


This isn’t the first time birds have been addressed on this website.  Check out the painfully bitchy Seagulls.

Naturally, Bird Poop is another big concern.

When in doubt, check out the MASTER LIST for our backlog of hates!



One response

16 03 2012
Starlings « MechanisticMoth

[…] a journey on this link to the new post and learn why I hate these birds so much! Share this:TwitterLike this:LikeBe the first to like this […]

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