1000 Things We Hate #239: Electric Blankets

23 05 2012

I loathe electric blankets.  Why do you need an electric blanket when you can just get MORE blankets?  I want to be so cold that I need enough blankets to smother me to death!  At least I’ll be comfortably warm when I die…

They have a purpose, sure.  They deliver an easy source of heat in a relatively thin fabric.  But, have you felt some of these electric blankets!?  Many of them you have to delicately move with your fingertips for fear of destroying things.  I would much rather haphazardly throw my blanket off of me without the fear of PULLING OUT THE CHORD.  They’re laced with coils of heat.  It’s just strange that you would wrap yourself with such a concoction.

Imagine this:
It’s my day off.  I want to drink tea and watch bad videos in bed.  However, I don’t want my feet to get cold.  Surely, the simple solution would be just to pour my hot tea onto my feet, but that would be too easy.  Instead, I require something that will renew my faith in life. I need something preheated.  Something warm… something delicate like a hardy flower… something inspired.
What do I get?  Yep, a blanket with hot coils that can cause THIS:

Okay, I think I’ve gone on record saying that I want to live a suburban life dangerously on the edge without guns, fast cars, drugs, or home mortgages.  So, I really can’t be so upset about an electric blanket.  But, you could burn at any second – worst of all, YOU COULD LOSE A SOCK.  There are limits people, LIMITS!

It all comes down to whether or not I want to accidentally pull something out of the electric socket.  The answer is no, I would much rather stick things into the socket… like q-tips or ice cream or Febreze or pirate hats or Pavement records or shoelaces or the Pythagorean theorem.


The MASTER LIST is calling to you to check out so many more 1000 Things We Hate.  Get your hate on, braough!



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