1000 Things We Hate #243: Ink Pen Failure

28 06 2012

There are a lot of hates on 1000 Things We Hate that can be points of contention.  The primary example that I always use is our (my) post on how much I hate Dolphins.  A LOT of people love dolphins.  I don’t know why, but I’ll just flow with it knowing that any single day they might, at some point, notice the true horror of dolphins.

I also feel like a few of our posts begin in this way.  We admit that we have some pretty strange hates, but decide, for once, to showcase a nearly universal hate.  The one for today is the hate over your pen not working.

Apparently there are multiple ways for your pen to stop working.  The most common are you running out of ink or your ink drying around the ball point.  This may also be caused by a genie seeking ultimate revenge against your family after 30 generations.  You’re never quite sure.

I often imagine that some otherworldly power decides that an eagle (like a stork with a baby) swoops down and pisses (except birds only kind of pee) into your pen thus rendering it useless.  Your only option is to scribble like mad or switch it up, and, to be fair, the image above is just an infant having fun… but maybe that’s what it is: that otherworldly power is cursing us to be like infants.

The times in which your pen fucks you over are naturally quite inconvenient.  I mean, for fall semester I started getting a nosebleed during a final.  That was pretty bad… but you know what would be worse? YOUR PEN DYING ON YOU.  You may run out of ink or your new pen just won’t start… either way, it’s basically a death sentence.  Your only saving grace is by whispering “oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck…” not because it actually does anything, but it’s the realization that you’re going to have to use your pencil… then your professor/teacher will notice the change between pen and pencil during mid-sentence, and they will judge you.

How do you overcome this Ink Pen Failure?  I’d like to imagine that it’s with a lot of bravado and good fortune… and possibly sticking it up in your ear to nullify the pain in your heart.

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More 1000 Things We Hate just around the corner!  In the meantime, check out our MASTER LIST.


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