1000 Things We Hate #248: Inappropriate Crowd Surfing

25 08 2012

I am post-move to Salt Lake City.  So, of course, the first thing for me to do was figure out when all of the music shows are happening so I can escape my scholarly world of Graduate School for a few hours.  Salt Lake City happens to have a great program during the summer called the Twilight Concert Series.  The beauty of this is that it is only $5 for a 3-4 hour music experience.

Last week was Iron and Wine and Kathleen Edwards.  This week was M. Ward and DeVotchKa.  Understandably, not really crowd surfing music.

BUT SOME MOTHERFUCKERS STILL DID IT.

Let me give you an idea of songs that people crowd surfed to:

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THESE ARE TOTALLY CROWD SURFING SONGS.  Let’s get drunk and have dozens of people’s hands touch our backs, scrotum, and hair!

To be fair, Iron and Wine had a saxophone and some pretty mean jams… which, I don’t know, gives me the desire to shake my hips NOT throw myself into reckless abandon.  Although, I jumped into a group of strangers during M. Ward and danced with them.  We smiled.

Out of anyone, there should have been some crowd surfing to DeVotchKa (there was an aerial trapeze artist!), but apparently people don’t know how to dance to a waltz (3/4) without actually doing a waltz.

Okay, though, I get it.  I get it. Crowd surfing, as an idea, sounds pretty fuckin’ cool.  You just float across people’s outstretched arms.  You become one with mother earth, and all that jazz.  I even have a book of things to do before you (I) die that gives you little stickers when you complete something, and this book has a specific place for crowd surfing.  I can understand the appeal.

But isn’t that what Metal is for?  Like, let’s put on some 1991 Metallica mosh, punch, and crowd surf?  I just don’t find it very appropriate for people to crowd surf to songs that have saxophones, banjos, harmonicas, and acoustic guitars to.  I don’t know, I may be unreasonable with this… HOWEVER, I do have a solution (partially breed from watching Lord of the Rings: Extended Edition on Blu-Ray):

Let’s get helmets, right?  Let’s put spikes on those helmets, yeah!?  LET’S SPIKE SOME DICKFACES IN THE FACE WHEN THEY TRY TO CROWD SURF ONTO US!

Or, you know, don’t raise up your arms and let them fall onto their heads…

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For more 1000 Things We Hate, check out the MASTER LIST… hopefully it won’t take us so fucking long to get a new post out next time…


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