1000 Things We Hate ∞

12 08 2014

Hello everyone,
As you can likely assume, our hate has gone on to other places.  I, nor my co-conspirators, have posted anything in quite a long time.  It seems that longform blogging and our lives have taken us into completely different directions.  As I said on my host site, there is little likelihood that we will ever post anything on this site again.  Additionally, I may decide to completely delete the whole thing.  Start afresh – clean.  It’s sad to see it all burn down after working on this site for nearly 4 years, but it no longer interests me.  Plus, I’d rather not have these posts that I used as a creative exercise and stress reliever, to follow me for that much longer in my life.

I hoped you enjoyed what we had together, and thanks for all the fish.


25 12 2012

Sometimes I just wish I was a goat…

Freaking Out

1 04 2012

Currently, my wordpress is freaking out.  So, everything is on hold until some forum things help me out.


Holy Crap, ELLIOTT!

13 02 2012

“Where have you been, Elliott!?”

“I mean, really, you wrote a passionate plea for patience on the (p)blog, and then you just DISAPPEARED!”

Well, anonymous writer (who is actually myself), I’d like to let you know that I HAVE BEEN BLOGGING!

“What’s this!? NOOOOOOO……”

Yes, in fact, I’ve been doing a post-a-day writing challenge on our parent blog MechanisticMoth.  You can view all of the writing challenges so far to date here.

Don’t worry 1000 Things We Hate, I’ll be getting back to you baby.  Boy, I’m going to whip you into shape… with my giant CUCUMBER (woohoo phallus imagery!).

Ohh, and I totally got into the Syracuse Graduate School program today.  SUCK IT, LIFE-GOING-NOWHERE!

1000 Things We Hate #207: Manure Covered Dogs

8 12 2011

Dogs.  I’m not exactly a fan but I don’t completely hate them either.  What I do hate is their compulsive desire to roll in anything smelly.  My home (or I should say my parent’s home) is located in the country with cow, horse, and plenty of other manures readily available.  So of course, every time the dogs go out they find a present to bring home to the family.

You might think the dog is cute but that's just because you don't have smell-o-vision...yet

Not only do dogs covered in manure smell like crap but their happiness also seems to increase exponentially.  This correlates to an increase in jumping on everything from furniture to the other dogs to me.  The smell spreads everywhere.

If the dog decides to roll in manure when you’re far away from home on a walk (which happens quite often with my family when we go to the river) they smell up the car on the way home.  This concentrates the smell for those unlucky enough to be riding along and leaves the foul odor for later car rides.

The final horrifying gift the lovely dog grants you is the pleasure of cleaning the manure off of them.  I absolutely refuse to do this by exaggerating my dislike for dogs, but I know from others’ experiences it is not pleasant.  If you don’t have a dog brush, you have to rub the shampoo in with your hands.  Yay, crap on your hands.

In conclusion, Dogs + Poop = Gross.


If you (dis)like poop check out more hateful posts about bird poop, dog poop, and human poop.  Or maybe you (dis)like dogs; check out dog barking.  If all else fails consult the Master list.

1000 Things We Hate #203: ER Waiting Room

18 11 2011

Ugh... Xavier Forteen? Anyone?

Last night, I had the fortunate luck to be trapped in the ER Waiting Room for three and a half hours.  To tell you the truth, it wasn’t entirely bad.  The person that needed to go to the ER had me and two others to accompany them.  I believe we were probably the wittiest and most lively of the people in the ER.  Nevertheless, the ER Waiting Room can be a physical manifestation of hell on occasions.  This was by far the most pleasant experience in the ER I’ve had because of the company, but it still lasted FOREVER.  Then again, when I got in my car accident in August and had to go to the ER, I was seen basically right away.  It was AWESOME.  Mind you, I was in a shitload of pain… but still.

What is it about the waiting room that’s so bad?  Well, I would venture a guess that part of the reason is that going to the ER is a big decision.  “Do I really hurt enough to justify whipping $1000 out of my ass?”  …whipping $1000 out of your ass may be a valid reason to go.  So, you make this big decision and you’re triage right away when you get there.  Then, they’re like, “please sit down, someone will be with you shortly…” and they’re not.  It’s really quite the unfortunate predicament.

What a lively group!

Another thing that is troublesome is the sort of people that frequent the waiting room.  Most of them are on edge and having one of the worst days of their year.  Smiles are not happening.  On top of that, you often hear people moaning and throwing up and what have you.  It’s basically a place that I wouldn’t mind venturing once a month to develop some semblance of empathy but oh well.

Finally, when you have to wait a really long time because APPARENTLY your condition isn’t important enough… you have to wait even longer.  You think, “fuck this, I’m going to leave!” only to find out that you will still get charged $1000 just for breathing in their sickly, sterilized air.  So, you wait EVEN MORE.

Then, the doctor actually comes in and is just like “hey, here’s some useless dribble and some drugs! Yeah!”  Problem apparently solved.

“Was it worth it?” you wonder.  Probably not, but at least it was a great use of THREE AND A HALF FUCKING HOURS.


Alright, alright… this hate was pretty reasonable.  But, I can promise you, we can be RIDICULOUS.  So go on over and check out the MASTER LIST hub and enjoy a plenitude of hates!

Hate Chronicles: 1-3

4 08 2009

1. Skateboards.

2. Unbuttoned man shirts.

3. Trilogies.

These hates are no longer available and do not reflect the opinion of the site managers.