Fist Bump

8 10 2012

It’s an oldie but a goodie.

Hopefully I can post this again after the election…

1000 Things We Hate #248: Inappropriate Crowd Surfing

25 08 2012

I am post-move to Salt Lake City.  So, of course, the first thing for me to do was figure out when all of the music shows are happening so I can escape my scholarly world of Graduate School for a few hours.  Salt Lake City happens to have a great program during the summer called the Twilight Concert Series.  The beauty of this is that it is only $5 for a 3-4 hour music experience.

Last week was Iron and Wine and Kathleen Edwards.  This week was M. Ward and DeVotchKa.  Understandably, not really crowd surfing music.


Let me give you an idea of songs that people crowd surfed to:



THESE ARE TOTALLY CROWD SURFING SONGS.  Let’s get drunk and have dozens of people’s hands touch our backs, scrotum, and hair!

To be fair, Iron and Wine had a saxophone and some pretty mean jams… which, I don’t know, gives me the desire to shake my hips NOT throw myself into reckless abandon.  Although, I jumped into a group of strangers during M. Ward and danced with them.  We smiled.

Out of anyone, there should have been some crowd surfing to DeVotchKa (there was an aerial trapeze artist!), but apparently people don’t know how to dance to a waltz (3/4) without actually doing a waltz.

Okay, though, I get it.  I get it. Crowd surfing, as an idea, sounds pretty fuckin’ cool.  You just float across people’s outstretched arms.  You become one with mother earth, and all that jazz.  I even have a book of things to do before you (I) die that gives you little stickers when you complete something, and this book has a specific place for crowd surfing.  I can understand the appeal.

But isn’t that what Metal is for?  Like, let’s put on some 1991 Metallica mosh, punch, and crowd surf?  I just don’t find it very appropriate for people to crowd surf to songs that have saxophones, banjos, harmonicas, and acoustic guitars to.  I don’t know, I may be unreasonable with this… HOWEVER, I do have a solution (partially breed from watching Lord of the Rings: Extended Edition on Blu-Ray):

Let’s get helmets, right?  Let’s put spikes on those helmets, yeah!?  LET’S SPIKE SOME DICKFACES IN THE FACE WHEN THEY TRY TO CROWD SURF ONTO US!

Or, you know, don’t raise up your arms and let them fall onto their heads…


For more 1000 Things We Hate, check out the MASTER LIST… hopefully it won’t take us so fucking long to get a new post out next time…

Punch in the face

11 08 2012

This slap is only warranted by him taking his shirt off first.

1000 Things We Hate #247: Papyrus Font

1 08 2012

Have you ever been clubbed on your head… multiple times?  Or, have you seen a grass hopper crushed in the jaws of a lizard?  Or, have you done so many somersaults and jumping jacks that you fall on your ass?

I can safely say that all of these things have happened to you just by seeing the photo above.

Papyrus is basically one of two fonts that are the bane of everyone’s existence in the (official) graphic design world.  A company will come to a person and say, “hey, we’d like a font that looks fun, old, rustic, and mildly fancy.”  But you know who they’re turning to?  The secretary working at the office who took a single class in high school ten years ago on design!  They’ll just look at the standard fonts that come with Microsoft Word and think, “hot damn!  This is a mighty fine font!”

Now, in the high desert where there’s lots of antique shops and medical companies, they think they’re the shit by using this font.  But really, it’s just a cheap and easy font.  It’s everywhere because people don’t know how to actually do their research with fonts.  There are hundreds of fonts that are more effective and exciting than this half-assed design.  Hell, the creator even hates the font now!

Every time I see Papyrus in the real world, I do a major eye roll.  I’m seriously turned off by this font to the point that I think less of the company that uses it.  “Oh, hey, you’re studying my head?  Apparently, you didn’t study your design!”  I distrust their capability at treating me or selling something to me.  Seriously, I see a new place with this font at least once every two weeks – one new place not to trust.

There are so many elegant things in life, and this font is not one of them.


1000 Things We Hate is quite the experience!  So, dig down deep and read our entire backlog at the MASTER LIST.

Thanks for taking care of me…

25 07 2012

Because you needed it.

By the way, I have no idea what the source is for this… but I find it hilarious!

She’s all like “mmmmhhhmmm bad decision.”  He’s like, “that’s right, cuddle my nipple.”

1000 Things We Hate #246: Sun Allergies

25 07 2012

The sun.  It’s a giant ball of burning gas that just happens to make life possible.  We need it to survive and to keep an aesthetically pleasing sheen to our skin.  Yet, some are cursed by the sun.   The sun, in all it’s tempting comfort, actually causes  pain – and not pain from a sunburn.

I speak foremost about myself.  I haven’t got one of those diseases where I can’t be in the sun at all (that’s a whole different definition of suck-i-ness!), but I definitely can’t stay in the sun for very long.  According to a search on the internet I have what is called polymorphous light eruption.  First off, that is a sweet name.  Bonus points to whoever named it.  Second, it’s actually pretty common.  There’s a huge group of people who go into the sun with high expectations and exit with rashes.  Seriously, you sit in the sun to make your skin prettier, not gross.

These are rashes not sunburns: tiny, raised bumps all over the hands and chest.  And, like most rashes, they sun itch like crazy.  And itching only makes them worse.  I have enough self control to stop myself from itching most of the time but I’ve seen pictures of people who can’t.  Eventually, they make themselves bleed or the skin gets hard…gross, gross, gross!

I was complaining to my boss about my sun allergy and she said she also has an allergy: she sneezes.   Literally every time she walks into the sun she goes into sneezing fits.  Luckily, we live in the Pacific Northwest so we don’t have to worry about the sun all too often.  But still, I need my vitamin D like everyone else, but I have to go through a little more pain to get it.

In sum, screw you sun.  I appreciate that you gave me life and everything but I’m a super vain person, I want my nice skin back.

This pretty much sums up my feelings…

Batman Bomb

24 07 2012