Batman Bomb

24 07 2012

HAHAHAHAHAHHA





1000 Things We Hate #159: Spider-Man’s Excessive Webbing

11 05 2011

That's how pimps roll...

You know, in theory I should like Spider-Man.  I mean, I read a lot of my Grandpa’s Spider-Man comics (I know, right!) from the 90s (he was riding the speculator boom) and I liked what I read (I know, right x 2!).  So, I really should care about Spider-Man a bit more than I do.  I don’t know… to me, he just has too many imperfections.  I suppose that’s part of his appeal: he’s just like us and his life is far from perfect but he still does what he does.

Anyway, one thing that has always bothered me about Spider-Man is how excessive his webbing can get.  (Yes, I know, at times Batman’s grappling hook line can do it too, but not as frequently).

Is that too much? I can't tell...

I know it’s mostly a stylistic effect.  I’m sure they’re going “you know, his name does begin with ‘spider’ so we should probably play up that angle,” but, in the end, it just sort of serves a distraction.  It stops being cool (seriously, shooting things from your wrists and gliding through the air sounds pretty fucking sweet) and becomes rather pointless.

There have been two types of webbing that he’s used.  The first was with web-shooters:

Origin

This version was infinitely more cool than actually naturally producing web in the second way.  Peter had to use his intelligence and science-skills to craft something to help him fight crime.  Plus, these web-shooters could run out of web.  So, there never really was much excess because he had to conserve his stock.  Running out always loomed over him.

Then we hit the 90s, and the McFarlane era pointedly hits where we get really fucked up positions.  In fact, the script even acknowledges how messed up the 90s were:

What a champ

Here’s the thing: with that much web, wouldn’t you expect to get yourself caught in it… you know… possibly break a neck or two?  It serves absolutely no purpose other than to look cool… and seriously, it doesn’t look that cool – just messy.  I understand that readers want this a bit because you have to have a really neat, witty superhero in Spider-Man, but still… this is ridiculous.

Now, you would think this would end with the excessive shit that was the 90s, but it continues to this day.

Look at those rippling shoulder and arm muscles! Jealous.

So, comic artists of the world: calm the fuck down.  Stop being so excessive – be more prudent.  Keep in mind what is practical rather than cool.  We’re already living in a world of superheroes – don’t make them any more unreal for us.





1000 Things We Hate #109: Joker Costumes

3 11 2010

Oh Messy Kitchen Practice

For the sake of having a short, nicer title, I abbreviated my real version being:

THE DICKWEED WHO DRESSES UP AS ‘THE DARK KNIGHT’ JOKER THAT WILL ALWAYS BE AT A PARTY

If you ever go out Halloween-ing, whether that be as a child or an adult, with costumes involved, you are more than likely GUARANTEED to run into that one guy who thought “oh golly gee, that was a good film – he’s creepy – but I like him – TIME TO DRESS UP LIKE HIM!”

Now, I understand that this stems from the Heath Ledger craze which is partly understandable because he was a decent actor and got an Oscar BUT HE’S DEAD.

Cleanin’ his teeth!

Now, I would presume that this is an awkward and hard costume to put together.  It requires a lot of pieces.  I mean, he was crazy as balls, but that Joker sure was a nice dresser!  So, there’s a lot to get, but the general feel is kind of easy to acquire.  Plus, I mean… good god!  That make up must take forever.

So, I’m not docking any points from the people who spend all their time (and money) to make the costume.

Looking stale and unoriginal isn’t limited to men, either!

HOWEVER, I am bitching that they should be spending their time and money (if at all) on a Costume that is more original and not such a cop out.

Plus, I’m just tired of seeing this costume.  I know, I know… This trend is not going to die any time soon.  I’m just tired of people trying to be creepy but it not working because of how ridiculous they look.  This is not a Chris Nolan film however much you want it to be (yay! let’s advocate torture!).

So, please, end this ridiculous charade.

No more fat guys in bad masks, either!





1000 Things We Hate #69: Love Triangles

16 07 2010

As mentioned in the Additional Items section of Veronica’s Super HeroiHOT, love triangles like the classic Archie-Betty-Veronica one are really and kinda gross.

I hope one of them wipes out and takes the others with them

Okay, if you think about it, both girls are constantly trying to vie for Archie’s attention but also PUTTING UP WITH THE OTHER ONE constantly flirting with Archie.  Honestly, it seems like the only solution is for Betty and Veronica to ADMIT THEIR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER.  I’m sure that Archie doesn’t even deserve that much attention from two girls at once nor even just one.  He’s a loser… losers do not deserve a menage a trois.

Love and hate between army men

However, love triangles are not restricted to just heteronormative or even romantic relationships.  In Platoon, Chris obviously has love and admiration for both Elias and Sgt. Barnes, but which one will he go to!?  Oh God, trying to get some fatherly love is so hard!

Classic Bigamy!

The typical threesome love triangle is fairly common in works of fiction like comic books.  The good ol’ Superman-Lana Lang-Lois Lane or Peter Parker (Spider-Man)-Mary Jane Watson-Gwen Stacy or Batman-Robin-Bruce Wayne’s Dead Parents are classic illustrations of love triangles.

Love triangles are just such a simple (yet arguably effective) plot device where the reader roots for one or the other (usually rooting for the male to choose their favorite female) person to win the protagonist’s heart.  It just gets boring and stale after awhile.

Yes, this image really did come up when I searched for "love triangle"

I suppose that the ploy in fiction is just upsetting.  But, what if this was to happen in real life?  It hasn’t really happened to me completely… okay, it has… and, it was kinda stupid.  I suppose they are common, but that doesn’t mean I have to like them.  They’re super frustrating to watch and live through.