25 12 2012

Sometimes I just wish I was a goat…

1000 Things We Hate #28: Messy Car Interiors

8 03 2010

Only a precursor to what is to come

Okay, once I do one, it’s hard to stop the hate.  Sort of like turning on a faucet to get water for a bath and then forgetting about it then the water overflows then your hate spills out then it seeps through the floor then your bathtub falls through the ceiling like in Breaking Bad then you keep on hating because you never turn off the faucet… yeah.

I think about 80% of the people reading this have probably been guilty of this hate.  I will even admit my own guilt in the past (since I don’t have that thing that drives you around in the form of an automobile at the moment) with my poopy Toyota Camry.  Hell, I think this hate is such a common crime (not like child molestation) that it is fairly socially acceptable.

For example, you’re beginning to make friends with this person that you think is pretty cool and you get along with really well.  So, the two of you decide to have a fun Saturday and they say they’ll drive and pick you up.  They pull up to where you’re waiting and you see this:

Wipe that innocent grin off your face, dick

You think, “okay, the pizza box is a little much, but I’m good.”

It’s not like you’re going to be like “What the fuck are you doing?  Where am I supposed to sit with your fuckin McDonald’s wrapper smeared with mustard crampin the groove on my seat?  What the fuck are you trying to pull you little shit!?  Are you honestly this much of a fucking slob?  There are trash cans every-fuckin-where, why can’t you lift your lazy little ass up and take the 3 minutes to throw shit away, cuntwhore!?”

Well, you may not think that, but I do.

Unless it’s Monique and her car… because, quite frankly, you know you’re getting into shit when you spot that thing from 8 lightyears away.

Yes, I am judging you right now... by a lot

Now, I understand, sometimes you’re too busy to clean up for the day because you’re late for an appointment or something.  However, one day cannot turn into a week to a month to 3 and a half years.  If you keep your car consistently clean, then you wont have to build yourself up for that end of the month clean up that you always dread.

There is the aforementioned reason when this is acceptable: if your car is a piece of shit both inside and out.  This works because you already have low expectations… so, you might as well not go above those.

The worst atrocity one can commit with the Messy Car Interior is the finding of year old food.  This usually is formed when you are on a trip and your passenger(s) eat cheetos… or chips… or salsa… or subway sandwiches…  It is so fuckin’ scary to clean the car and grab something that looks like it was once edible, but you are no longer quite sure what it is anymore.  Fucking disgusting.

Why is this so disgusting?  Because it basically sums up what it is to be American: fast food, messy, fat, lazy, and des

Clean your cars, pricks.

I will disown you as a friend