1000 Things We Hate #247: Papyrus Font

1 08 2012

Have you ever been clubbed on your head… multiple times?  Or, have you seen a grass hopper crushed in the jaws of a lizard?  Or, have you done so many somersaults and jumping jacks that you fall on your ass?

I can safely say that all of these things have happened to you just by seeing the photo above.

Papyrus is basically one of two fonts that are the bane of everyone’s existence in the (official) graphic design world.  A company will come to a person and say, “hey, we’d like a font that looks fun, old, rustic, and mildly fancy.”  But you know who they’re turning to?  The secretary working at the office who took a single class in high school ten years ago on design!  They’ll just look at the standard fonts that come with Microsoft Word and think, “hot damn!  This is a mighty fine font!”

Now, in the high desert where there’s lots of antique shops and medical companies, they think they’re the shit by using this font.  But really, it’s just a cheap and easy font.  It’s everywhere because people don’t know how to actually do their research with fonts.  There are hundreds of fonts that are more effective and exciting than this half-assed design.  Hell, the creator even hates the font now!

Every time I see Papyrus in the real world, I do a major eye roll.  I’m seriously turned off by this font to the point that I think less of the company that uses it.  “Oh, hey, you’re studying my head?  Apparently, you didn’t study your design!”  I distrust their capability at treating me or selling something to me.  Seriously, I see a new place with this font at least once every two weeks – one new place not to trust.

There are so many elegant things in life, and this font is not one of them.


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1000 Things We Hate #30: Starbucks Size Names

9 03 2010

Small, Medium, Large, and Extra-Large, DICKHOLES!

I’m going to promote my hate for the absurdity of Starbucks Size Names through a poem:

Fuck You, Starbucks – by Elliott Sawyer

Fuck You, Starbucks
Fuck You, Starbucks
Fuck You

I do not believe in a small
Changing its name to tall as
Froth foams from my mouth
From both the bad tasting chai
and your name equating to the South
During the Civil War.
– – – – – We all know how that turned out, whores.

Sixteen Ounces does not size
Up to the liquid when I Grande-ize
As your tacit persuasion efforts
Ascertain fat, liberal pricks and all
Of their business fancy shirts
and numerous calories.
– – – – – We all know you don’t need anymore, shitdick.

Venti means twenty in Italian
Fuck that shit, I’ll eat a scallion.
Look at that bad couplet Starbucks,
Your awful names for your drinks
Don’t even allow for clever poet luck
or a nice experience.
– – – – – We all know you masturbate when you see all of the Macs.

Fuck You, Starbucks