Fist Bump

8 10 2012

It’s an oldie but a goodie.

Hopefully I can post this again after the election…

1000 Things We Hate #22: Pajamas in Public

28 01 2010

Nation, we have a problem.  I came into this position with a lot of problems on my plate.  Pajamas have been seen commonly within the last 15 years in the public.  Let me remind you once again, that this problem was happening before I even walked into the door!

*blank stares and head shaking from the right side of the auditorium, and clapping, standing, and cheering coming from the left side*

It's one thing to go to some trashy fast-food place, and a completely other thing when you wear your pajamas there, as well.

Now, I know there have been some decisions lately that may make it worse for us in this coming year.

*middle grumpily sits still in their black funeral wardrobe*

However, I’ve decided to make it required to post public incidents of pajama-ing in the public on a website so the public can see what we’re spending our time on!

It takes enough determination deciding on how to poison your body to at least put on some jeans, mister.

Yes, I understand, nation, that this common practice has become all too easy in the public sphere.  But, how about that man in Kentucky who can’t afford a decent pair of fleece pantlegs to warm his legs while he’s at home.  Or the little girl in Vermont who’s mother never taught her how to sew clothes for her dolls, and now she’s stuck with less choices on how to dress the doll.  We have to think about the public.  Therefore, I’m requiring that we pull out our pajama wearing from America by August of this year.  I also plan to pull sweat pants by 2012.

The double neck emphasizes her lack of hygiene.

Some of you may believe that the outside sources telling you this sort of practice in public is okay, but I stress that these sort of influences do not allow the American people to come together as a nation united.  Wait… Wait… [holds up hand] Remember, people have been sacrificing their jobs and hard work.  So, why is that a slim few of the population gets by on lower taxes and the ability to look like they have absolutely no class in public!?  We must regulate these people too.

Thank goodness he's dead. Now, we don't have to see this awfullness anymore.

Now, I understand that some of my critics may be calling out that I haven’t done much.  To these people, I reply that I never promised it would be easy to rid the nation of Pajamas in public – that eyesore on our great nation – I never told anyone that we would have any short time fixes.  If you believe in this great country as strongly as all of us do, then in no time we can rid ourselves of this atrocity!

Thank you and God Bless, and God Bless America!