Sometimes this is me late at night…
Sometimes this is me late at night…
Now, it is pretty undisputed for most people under the age of 30 to hate golf. It’s a worthless sport where you just hit a tiny little ball and have to walk a lot. So, it would be very easy to write up a 1000 Things We Hate about golf. Hell, maybe when we’re stretching ourselves with ridiculous hates at #834 we may actually bring up Golf again. Nevertheless, I’m going to stick with the harder one to pin down: Golf Courses.
The picture above is a perfect example of how ridiculous golf courses are. This picture comes from a golf course in Redmond, OR where I happened to spend my tentative teenage years. This golf course resides in the high desert of Central Oregon. What is the high desert you ask? Well, it is basically a desert at a fairly high altitude (around 3,200 ft. above sea level). That means that the winters are cold as hell and the summers are hot as hell without really any seasons in between. Do you see that little corner in the upper right hand of the photo? That is what is the natural habitat of Central Oregon: dry, arid, brush-y.
So, what does this mean? Basically, golf courses are shoved and forced into environments where they do not belong. At every golf course, you come to expect relatively the same grass, sand pits, and trees that often do not belong in that sort of environment but they’re all in a different arrangement. Sure, there are some more natural golf courses that try to incorporate the natural surroundings into it, but still.
Just the whole idea of golf courses are frustrating. For climates like Redmond, OR, the grass needs to be watered multiple times a day just to prevent it from drying up. Then, gas is used in order to mow all of that grass to keep it at it’s desired trim. Let’s not even mention the gas for all of the golf carts (which may end up in that golf post). All in all, it just seems rather wasteful for a boring-ass sport.
Sure, golf courses have some idyllic scenery, but they seem to waste more than what they give back to the earth. Having a natural golf course would be grand, but it’s just not going to happen.
I am about to negotiate interesting territory. Plus, I have only about 25 minutes to do it in because I want to be outside when there’s a school wide emergency drill.
Anyway, I’m spoiled. That’s right, spoiled. As in, I’m an Oregonian. What does this entail? Oh yeah, I pull up to the gas station expecting for someone to come right out and do the dirty work for me so my dainty hands do not get slightly dirty.
Yep. I pull right on up to the gas station, roll down the window, turn off the car, and wait for someone to come by and ask “what can I get for ya?” I naturally say “fill it on up, regular.” They do it. It’s great.
The problem now? Well, I live in Washington. Meaning, as much as I LOVE to whip out my Oregon ID to get tax exemption, I still have to pump my own gas.
This is an extremely confusing process for my Oregonian self. Each station seems to be completely different ready to confuse the fuck out of me. To the point that my prissy little self gets overwhelmed by Washington and any other state’s self-gas pumping and just drives off without getting any gas (this has definitely happened before).
To me, it’s just annoying to get out of my car in whatever weather condition there may be and stand outside as I feel the liquids chugging away into my golden (Lillian believes it’s “champagne”) beauty of a car. I would much rather sit inside my car and let someone else do the work. Plus, gas may be a little bit more expensive in Oregon, but I like the idea that, no matter how menial it is, gas pumpers are getting jobs.
Now, here’s the sticky part of this hate… Celebrities pump their own gas, too. Well, that is true if they don’t have servants who do it for them… Anyway, this pumping gas phenomenon means that, even for the 5 minutes or so that it takes, celebrities are a little more human. I hate celebrities who think they’re hot shit instead of focusing on their craft of what made them famous (specifically actors although Paris Hilton is only famous because she’s rich which is really frustrating).
So, if pumping our own gas makes celebrities a little bit more real for a moment, I guess I’m okay with it.
However, that means that, if you’re ever around a celebrity while they’re pumping gas, you must take advantage of their vulnerability. Promptly bend them over and fistfuck them in the ass… that will teach them.