Headache Pinch

16 11 2012

I believe I’ve mentioned my headaches before (I know I have), but today I’m having one of the worst ones I’ve had in a year… but I’m still going to go see The Octopus Project play music live tonight…


1000 Things We Hate #248: Inappropriate Crowd Surfing

25 08 2012

I am post-move to Salt Lake City.  So, of course, the first thing for me to do was figure out when all of the music shows are happening so I can escape my scholarly world of Graduate School for a few hours.  Salt Lake City happens to have a great program during the summer called the Twilight Concert Series.  The beauty of this is that it is only $5 for a 3-4 hour music experience.

Last week was Iron and Wine and Kathleen Edwards.  This week was M. Ward and DeVotchKa.  Understandably, not really crowd surfing music.


Let me give you an idea of songs that people crowd surfed to:



THESE ARE TOTALLY CROWD SURFING SONGS.  Let’s get drunk and have dozens of people’s hands touch our backs, scrotum, and hair!

To be fair, Iron and Wine had a saxophone and some pretty mean jams… which, I don’t know, gives me the desire to shake my hips NOT throw myself into reckless abandon.  Although, I jumped into a group of strangers during M. Ward and danced with them.  We smiled.

Out of anyone, there should have been some crowd surfing to DeVotchKa (there was an aerial trapeze artist!), but apparently people don’t know how to dance to a waltz (3/4) without actually doing a waltz.

Okay, though, I get it.  I get it. Crowd surfing, as an idea, sounds pretty fuckin’ cool.  You just float across people’s outstretched arms.  You become one with mother earth, and all that jazz.  I even have a book of things to do before you (I) die that gives you little stickers when you complete something, and this book has a specific place for crowd surfing.  I can understand the appeal.

But isn’t that what Metal is for?  Like, let’s put on some 1991 Metallica mosh, punch, and crowd surf?  I just don’t find it very appropriate for people to crowd surf to songs that have saxophones, banjos, harmonicas, and acoustic guitars to.  I don’t know, I may be unreasonable with this… HOWEVER, I do have a solution (partially breed from watching Lord of the Rings: Extended Edition on Blu-Ray):

Let’s get helmets, right?  Let’s put spikes on those helmets, yeah!?  LET’S SPIKE SOME DICKFACES IN THE FACE WHEN THEY TRY TO CROWD SURF ONTO US!

Or, you know, don’t raise up your arms and let them fall onto their heads…


For more 1000 Things We Hate, check out the MASTER LIST… hopefully it won’t take us so fucking long to get a new post out next time…

1000 Things We Hate #244: Electronic Hand Claps

2 07 2012

I have recorded a lot of songs – somewhere near 300 of them.  Honestly, most of them are shit or are only 45 seconds long or both.  I just fool around with music.  When I actually take it seriously, I can come out with an okay product (partially restrained by my lack of singing capabilities).

When I first started recording music, I relied upon many of the stock sounds or clips.  Look! They’ve already provided me with bass drum/snare/hi hat/hand clap!  How convenient, really.  So, I just used these sounds and occasionally mixed them as I was figuring out how.  Since then, I use a clip of Troy’s drumset from 5 years ago that I splice in order to create unique sounding drums with a live sound.  Trained listeners can figure out that they’re programmed, but, for the casual listener, they sound fairly realistic.

Now, one of the problems of early recording is the new experience of it all.  You’re overwhelmed with all of the sounds you can create which actually limits you.  You find one cool sound and work with only that sound (synth, drum, piano, etc.).  Instead, you can use that sound in conjunction with many other sounds.  Sure, I still do things that are convenient and not as polished by just playing around, but it’s clearly not as original.

Overall, and the point of this post, is people OBSESS over hand claps.

Hand claps imply a live sound, but, in repetition, they are soooo annoying.  Hand claps seemingly originated with people wanting to participate in a beat.  They appear to be rather communal.  When you go and see a concert, you clap along often.  But, when those hand claps are programmed, a lot of the originality and expression is lost out of the music.

Plus, using them is just cheap because they’re often the same sound over and over.  They can wear you pretty thin as a listener if they’re in the entirety of a song.

So, solutions?  Well, if you’re programming a song, simply clap along to the beat.  Each clap is slightly different – different pitch, different length, may be slightly off beat, etc.  So, clapping along makes it sound real.  If you record this multiple times, you can make it sound like a bunch of people clapping.  If you do not want to go through the trouble, record yourself clapping 4-8 different claps and utilize those in any order in your song.

Some electronic music is about conformity and sharpness without much difference in sounds… hell, it’s programmed.  If you want something more meaningful, original, and fun, use real claps.


1000 Things We Hate is bustling along.  Hell, we’re almost 1/4th of the way there!  Check out the MASTER LIST for our previous posts!

Dancin’ Style

30 05 2012

I wish I could be this adorable… and that good at dancing.

I mean, I can hold my hands up to my lips, but that’s about it.

Shuffling about, popping some hips, shimmying, wearing short shorts, vests, leggings, jeans, exposing midriffs… God, I could be so good…

Rid of Me

7 05 2012

Can this be applied here?

Song I Used to Love but Now Hate

17 04 2012

As seen previously, I’m doing a Song Challenge over at Mechanistic Moth.  I would love for you to check it out particularly because I just wrote about how I used to LOVE Metallica, but now they make me want to vomit.

Seriously, their band is shit.

But, to my middle school self, they were my idols.

Oh yeah, and the whole “Fall of the Soviet Union” argument is made in Metallica’s favor.


16 04 2012

This one brings us way back.  I mean wayyyyyyy back.  Listen to the song, about halfway through you get a nice little SIREN action.  Great song, sucks to drive to.  Just chilling to the grooves and then “OH SHIT! AM I GETTING PULLED OVERRR!?”