1000 Things We Hate #247: Papyrus Font

1 08 2012

Have you ever been clubbed on your head… multiple times?  Or, have you seen a grass hopper crushed in the jaws of a lizard?  Or, have you done so many somersaults and jumping jacks that you fall on your ass?

I can safely say that all of these things have happened to you just by seeing the photo above.

Papyrus is basically one of two fonts that are the bane of everyone’s existence in the (official) graphic design world.  A company will come to a person and say, “hey, we’d like a font that looks fun, old, rustic, and mildly fancy.”  But you know who they’re turning to?  The secretary working at the office who took a single class in high school ten years ago on design!  They’ll just look at the standard fonts that come with Microsoft Word and think, “hot damn!  This is a mighty fine font!”

Now, in the high desert where there’s lots of antique shops and medical companies, they think they’re the shit by using this font.  But really, it’s just a cheap and easy font.  It’s everywhere because people don’t know how to actually do their research with fonts.  There are hundreds of fonts that are more effective and exciting than this half-assed design.  Hell, the creator even hates the font now!

Every time I see Papyrus in the real world, I do a major eye roll.  I’m seriously turned off by this font to the point that I think less of the company that uses it.  “Oh, hey, you’re studying my head?  Apparently, you didn’t study your design!”  I distrust their capability at treating me or selling something to me.  Seriously, I see a new place with this font at least once every two weeks – one new place not to trust.

There are so many elegant things in life, and this font is not one of them.


1000 Things We Hate is quite the experience!  So, dig down deep and read our entire backlog at the MASTER LIST.

1000 Things We Hate #106: Shari’s

27 09 2010

Fuck you Sharis. Seriously. Fuck you. You don’t even spell your name correctly.


This is all stemming from this evening’s visit to the local Redmond Shari’s (I’m going to spell it correctly from here out). This evening was made even worse by the disgustingly huge Confederate flag some asshole was flying behind his pickup truck (seriously, we’re in the NORTH WEST! Go to Texas if you really want to fly that stupid flag).

I am currently cleaning up my old house in Redmond in preparation for my move to Portland. I am not excited to be here. Things are even harder since I turned off my cable/internet connection because Bend Broadband is a bunch of jackasses (as is my late roommate). So I decided I would go down to Shari’s and use their free Wi-Fi connection and have myself some dinner. I don’t know why I torture myself so! I know that every time I go in there I’m going to get a pathetic excuse for service and food; alas, I go anyway. I really wanted to get online. I order my coffee and water and ask the young host for some honey for the coffee. She never brings it. When I make my food order I realize there isn’t a single menu item that actually sounds appealing save the caesar salad. Luckily the internet connection isn’t half bad.

The classiest

But the speedy surfing is no cover for how terrible my $9 salad was. A sad display of wilting lettuce topped with chicken that has obviously been through the microwave because it looks like it was cut up over a week ago and showed no signs of being grilled. Then the toasted pita bread, that is usually something to look forward to, is also a disgusting display. I’m now wondering whether or not I should’ve eaten it while thinking about the French toast scene in Road Trip. There was barely even enough dressing on the salad to call it anything more than a bed of lettuce and croutons.

Terrible food aside, the customer service is always shit. It has been ever since Robin left. Things were simpler when she worked there. Today you get tweakers who work both the night and morning shifts with their coffee stained fake smiles. I never had my water filled once. Nor was my coffee ever refreshed. I felt like a dick driving home because I didn’t leave a tip, but reminiscing about it, I’m really glad I didn’t waste my money. I’m even more pleased with not leaving a tip since my fucking shit coffee cost me over 2 fucking dollars! What the hell is that; 2 bucks for coffee? When did coffee stop being 99 cents?

The average old-timer patrons muddying up the place

And if you thought things couldn’t get worse, well in Redmond, they always can. Something about this town makes it impossible to go ANYWHERE without seeing at least one person you know, and in turn don’t want to see. Like Mo put it in her hate for the fair: seeing people in this town just sucks. Awkward conversations and strange eye contact as you try and avoid people. The people here are infectious to me. It’s almost like my IQ drops instantly from a sort of chemical radiation of stupidity coming off of them. Luck has been favoring me though, thank whoever! And I haven’t seen a single person I don’t want to see. Well that’s not completely true but whatever. Usually a trip to Shari’s means a plethora of pre-pubescent, overly horny, theater kids screaming across tables and drinking vast quantities of Mt. Dew (I can call the theater kids this because I experienced their pre-mature sex drives first hand for 4 years). I can recall the last time I made the mistake of going there after a theater performance and the terrible fate of being placed one table away from them. It almost goes without saying that that was a trip to hell and back.

I think I can say without-a-doubt that I will never be returning to a Shari’s ever again. If my need to use the internet ever becomes that strong again, I’m forcing myself to drive around parking lots until I find a strong enough signal. Or I’m just going to speed up my packing process and leave this town.

1000 Things We Hate #105: Pronouns & Country is a submission from the Guest Post Contest written by Chelsea Riley.
The views expressed by the writers of the Guest Post Contest may or may not reflect the opinions of the managers of MechanisticMoth.

1000 Things We Hate #96: Lipstick on Teeth

12 08 2010


Now, I work with a handful of older women.  Women who cannot go out of the house without lipstick on.  Women who take tiny amounts of time off of work to reapply their lipstick.  Yet, early in the morning, two hours into work and they haven’t seen themselves in the mirror, they more than likely have lipstick on their teeth.

This occurrence seems to come more naturally in older age, but there are the ADORABLE cases of children getting wild with lipstick.

Boy + Smeared Lipstick + Grin = ADORABLE

So, those children have an excuse because it’s funny.  To be honest, it’s a little funny to see older women (or men, if that’s their thing, but I have yet to see it) rocking the red teeth, but I also find myself WISHING TO POLISH OFF THEIR TEETH WITH A NAIL FILE.  Little bits of teeth grinding off into viper fangs, and then they’ll adopt the name of “Lazure”.

I suppose the big issue is that, if you’re going to wear it or constantly check on it, you should at least be self-aware enough to be able to tell that you have smudges on your teeth.  Because, quite frankly, I do not enjoy IMAGINING YOUR TEETH BLEEDING PROFUSELY.  It’s an icky thought.  I already have problems enough with the dentist.

She knows it

Now, I’m under the impression that women (or men or whatevs) do not need to wear make-up.  I feel that it eliminates from their natural beauty.  However, that doesn’t mean that I don’t mind seeing it occasionally.  If a person knows how to wear it well, then they can do minor little things that really enhance their features.  I like that.  But, lipstick is too bright and cumbersome to really make any positive effect.  I mean, I had to fill up one of my co-workers water jugs (she broke her knee at the beginning of summer vacation), and her straw was STAINED RED from lipstick.  That’s just disgusting.  Lipstick just seems to get in the way of everything.

Then, on top of that, you throw in the strong possibility of it smudging all across your teeth, and it just does not seem worth it.

OMG Miley, WTF?

I suppose part of the problem stems around the awkwardness that the viewer of the smudged teeth-stick faces.  Do you tell them, or do you not?  It’s a really strange thing to tell someone “hey, your lipstick is all up in your teeth and it kinda looks like your teeth are menstruating”.  Naturally, most people would not say it in those words.

I tend to side on the “not telling them” protocol.  Particularly because, even though I hate it so much, I just want the person to go around smiling at others with their red (or whatever other color) teeth and make a fool of themselves.  I mean, that’s the way I roll.

Then again, the world would be just a much better place without the majority of terrible lipstick out there.  So, my first effort to eradicate this disaster is to pee on the store shelves.  That will teach people a lesson.